School Jokes

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An English class is writing an essay
One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".

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My teacher said I'd never be any good at poetry because of my dyslexia
But so far I've made a vase and two jugs

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A computer science major goes to his English professor and says "I've found a fault in the English language and I need an entomologist."
"Don't you mean an etymologist?" the teacher asks.
"No," the student replies. "It's a bug, not a feature."

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The teacher tells the class:
'Whoever gets the next question right, can go home early.'
Benjamin throws his pencil to the front of the class. Teacher picks it up and asks:
'Who was that?'
Benjamin:
'Me, good day.'

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So my guitar teacher got arrested.
He got arrested for fingеring A minor.
After he plucked her G string...

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When I was in kindergarten, I liked the shape of the seventh letter of the alphabet so much, I would just stare at the one on the class poster and poke at it.
My teacher would whisper *"Prodigy..."*

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My teacher took my phone after he caught me and said I could reclaim it next class
It was a long summer vacation

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The year 2120 in a classroom.
Teacher:
"That anti-vaccination movement eventually died out in the beginning of the 21st century."
Student:
"I'm glad they finally came to their senses."
Teacher:
"No. It was Роliо."

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Bin Laden's kid comes sad from school
"Dad i got an F in Geography class"
"Why is that?"
"The teacher asked me what's the tallest building in New York and i said Empire State Building"
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies
"Let dad handle this one."

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There was a kidnapping in the local high school.
Luckily a teacher woke him up.

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Joke from my science teacher years ago...
Why should you never wear Russian nuclear underwear?
Because Chernob'll Fallout.

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What do you call a teacher that doesn't like kids coloring outside of the lines?
Border Patrol

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Earlier today, I was at the swimming pool with my gym class. The teacher yelled at me for peeing in the pool, and I replied that everyone pees in the pool
"Yeah, but not from the diving board" was his reply!

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Little Billy came to school with a broken foot
Teacher: Billy what happened to your foot?
Billy: I dropped tomatoes on it.
Teacher: Tomatoes? How could tomatoes do that?
Billy: Well, they were in a can.

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A kid hand in his homework and the teacher says,
"You're presentation is misssing."
And the kid replies with,
"Oh I'm sorry. Ladies and gentlements, my HOMEWORK"

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Teacher: class let’s do math.
Teacher: so bob has 25 candy bars he eats 10. What does bob have
Student: 15 CANDY BARS
Teacher: no bob has diabetes.

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On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month
This is ridiculous!
How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!

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Our orchestra teacher told us he’d throw an instrument at us if we messed up.
Wow. I can’t believe our teacher is threatening us with violins.

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