There once was a girl named Florence
Whose вrеаsтs were huge & immense.
One day, while playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.
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There was a young man from Peru,
Who gave his dear sister a sсrеw.
He said with aplomb,
“You’re better then Mom!”
Said she, “That’s what Dad told me, too.”
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There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn’t his style.
“I’ll get my workouts,” he said,
“At home, in my bed,”
“‘Cause my woman is as good as a mile!”
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There once was a sailor from Brighton
Who said to a lass, “You’re a tight one.”
She replied “‘Pon my soul,
You’re in the wrong hole!
There’s plenty of room in the right one.”
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A Scotsman who lived on the loch
Had holes down the length of his соск.
He could get an еrестiоn,
And play a selection
Of Johann Sebastian Bach.
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There once was a girl from Jamaica
Who got laid by a big alligator.
Now, nobody knew
The result of that sсrеw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
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There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her тwат in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
you’ve got сrавs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and those fcukers are itchin’!”
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A newlywed couple from Goshen
Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
In just 80 days,
They sсrеwеd 80 ways.
Imagine such fcukin’ devotion!
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There once was a fellow quite gingerie
Who tore holes in his sister’s best lingerie.
He slapped her behind
Then made up his mind
To add inсеsт to insult and injury.
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The mathematician Von Blecks
Derived the equation for sеx.
He found a good fcuk
Isn’t patience or luck
But a function of Y over X.
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There once was a girl named Maureen
Who was so remarkably lean.
So flat and compressed,
That her back touched her chest,
And sideways, she couldn’t be seen.
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There was a young fellow named Sweeney
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch
Had a catch that would latch
She could only be sсrеwеd by Houdini.
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There was a young тrоllор at Yale,
Who had verses tattooed on her tail;
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
A duplicate version in Braille.
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From the ladies - (sing to the tune of “I will survive”)
At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I’d spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on….
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a big mac and you’ve bought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was вullshiт, just a sad pathetic dream,
I should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans!
(Chorus)
I will survive! I will survive!
‘Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sеx life is gonna thrive!
I will always have good sеx with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive!. . Hey! Hey!
Go on now go, walk out the door,
Don’t you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren’t you a shiт to think I wouldn’t find you out!?
Don’t you know we’re only joking when we say size doesn’t count???!
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud
When I saw your little wеinеr standing tall and proud!
But to hеll with all your egos and to hеll with all your needs
Now I’m saving all my lovin’ for a cordless multispeed!
(Chorus)