Sports Jokes

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Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move?
A: The splits!

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Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.

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A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal.
Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet.
Of course, they should at the court.

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What every sports player should say after winning:
"First of all, I would like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."

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How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

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Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips.
After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft".
So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft"
Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole all he would ever tell me was "loft"?
To which the pro relies "loft" - "Lack Of F*cking Talent"

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Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill.
It took forever to get to the top.
When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "Whew, that was so hard."
The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards."

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Bill and Earl are out playing golf.
They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.
Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"

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Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?
A: The big hand touches the little one.

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Q. What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
A. The PGA tour

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Q: Why can't girls play hockey?
A: Their pads can't last three periods.

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A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families."I have four boys, and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team."
"That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team."
"That's nothing," says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."

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The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries.
The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own.
"No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened."
After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.
"What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!"
Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."

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Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?
Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?

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Billionaire Richard Branson has withdrawn from a sponsorship deal of Chesterfield Football Club.
He stated that 'he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ... when they get fuскеd every week !'

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Q: How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan? ´
A: They're both famous for stuffing baskets!

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Q:Why don't hockey players drink tea?
A:Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.

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What is the noisiest game?
Squash – because you can’t play it without raising a racquet!

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