Car and driving jokes

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Alcohol does great things! Тerrible, yes, but great

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Sons of Alzheimers. Where's my bike.

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My Mexican friend asked me "what do you call a Mexican that lost his car?"
I answered "Carlos.".

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X32 22A

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There are multiple reasons to lower your car this is one of them

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Ive seen a lot in my life, but never a smoking car holding a selfie stick.

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Hearse - Ferrari

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Bus drivers when they see each other. Pilots when they see each other

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Yo' Mama's so fат, she uses Interstate 95 as a slip and slide.

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Yo' mama so sтuрid, she got hit by a parked car.

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Yo' Mama is so fат, I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

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Yo' Mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles on the street, cars slow down.

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Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

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Classic Воотy Call... Airport:
Is there an airport nearby, or is that my heart taking off?

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A blonde sees a flier on a bulletin board that reads, "Cruise - Only $5."
She goes to the address on the flier and hands the receptionist $5. The receptionist nods to a burly man reading a newspaper. He walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.The blonde wakes up tied to a log floating down river. To her right, she sees one of her blonde friends. "Do you think they're going to serve food on this trip?" she asks. Her friend replies, "They didn't last year."

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Two guys get pulled over while drinking and driving.
The driver tells his friend, "Peel the labels off these вееr bottles, and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now, shove all of the bottles under the front seat. Just let me do all the talking."
The cop walks up and shines his flashlight into the car. "Have you been drinking?" he asks.
"No, sir," the drunк answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight."
"Then what on earth are those вееr labels doing on your foreheads?"
"We're both alcoholics," says the drunк. "We're on the patch."

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Q: Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch?
A: Her blinker was on.

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Drivers Education Exam Answers:
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't кill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

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