An blond went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots.
The owner replied, “Sorry, I don’t have any at the moment.”
“Dамn and blast!” said the blonde, “I have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as a Pirate, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot explained the Blond.
“Well” said the owner, “if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I’ll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed,”
“Dамn and blast!” said the blonde, “I can’t come on that day or for some time after.”
“Why not?” Asked the owner.
“Because that is the day I’m having my leg amputated!
T here was a Japanese guy who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the Japanese leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!”
Thereupon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were on a North American transcontinental flight. The Canadian stuck his hand out of the plane, and said,
"We have reached Canada." The others asked,
"How do you know?" The Canadian responded, "Because I have just touched the tip of the CN tower." A couple hours later, the American sticks his hand out of the plane and said,
"We have reached the USA." The rest asked,
"How do you know?" The american replied, "Because I have just touched the tip of the Empire State Building." Another couple of hours passed and the Mexican said,
"We have just reached Mexico." The American and Canadian asked,
"How do you know?" The Mexican answered, "Because when I stuck my hand out the window someone stole my watch."
At a local college there was a dance. A guy from America asked a girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing he gives her a little squeeze and says, “In America we call this a hug.”
She says, “Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too.”
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek and says, “In America we call this a kiss.”
She says, “Yaah, in Sweden we call it a kiss too.”
Later that evening after quite a few drinks, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to have sеx with her and says, “In America we call this a grass sandwich.”
She says, “Yaaah, in Sweden we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”
A man walks up to a cashier in a grocery store. He says,
"Hey, how much for these jalapeño peppers?" He pronounces it "jo-la-pen-o", not "hо-lo-peen-yo".
The cashier says,
"Sir, that's not what those peppers are called."
The man replies,
"Listen, buddy, this is America, and I can pronounce any word the way I please." The cashier responds, "That is as may be, sir, but those are green peppers."