USA

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What’s the difference between the USA and a bird? ….
On a bird, the left wing and right wing work together for the benefit of the whole bird.

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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A new scientific study has found that Americans are the fattest group of people on the planet. Chasing the ‘American Dream’ does not count as exercise America.

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In America its called the big ваng theory, in england they call it Jeremy Kyle.

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Only on America do we accept weather predictions from a rodent but deny climate change evidence from scientists.

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Teacher: Class, who can go to the board and show us the map of the North America?
George: Yes, ma'am.
Teacher: Okay George.
George: Here is the map of North America.
Teacher: Class, who discovered North America?
Class: George!

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Only in America do we chain $2.00 ink pens to the counter but leave our $58,000 cars out in the driveway.

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Trust America to name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.

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Teacher, "Martha, come to the blackboard and tell us on the world map where America is."
Martha point to America correctly.
Teacher, "Good. Now John, you tell us who discovered America"
John, "Martha just did"

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I love magicians. Who’s that guy in America who made those landmarks disappear? Oh right, yeah, Bin Laden.

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If you think things are bad in America now……..
Just wait till Trump watches The Purge.

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America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

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Anyone really that surprised that USA’s first gold medal at the Rio Olympics involves shooting a gun?

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Nancy Pelosi - “I’ve decided to make a dessert, It’s called a USA downside up cake. I have to bake it before I read the recipe.”

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Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He’s very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.

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This Clown Craze has gone too far.
I mean think about it
Donald Trump President of America

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Typical good start to the Ryder Cup from America -
Arnold Palmer, one under

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America's First Law of Motion:
An object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object tends to stay at rest, unless an external force acts upon the object.
Meaning
America tends to go its way unless acted upon by Osama.
America's Second Law of Motion:
The acceleration of a body is proportional to the force applied on it.
Meaning
The number of sleeping pills an American takes is directly proportional to the number of video tapes Osama releases.
America's Third Law of Motion:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Meaning
For every death of an American, there is a death of an afghan.

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