USA

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Only in America do we chain $2.00 ink pens to the counter but leave our $58,000 cars out in the driveway.

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Trust America to name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.

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Teacher, "Martha, come to the blackboard and tell us on the world map where America is."
Martha point to America correctly.
Teacher, "Good. Now John, you tell us who discovered America"
John, "Martha just did"

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If you think things are bad in America now……..
Just wait till Trump watches The Purge.

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America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

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Don’t worry America.
Kanye West 2020 will fix everything.

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Anyone really that surprised that USA’s first gold medal at the Rio Olympics involves shooting a gun?

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Nancy Pelosi - “I’ve decided to make a dessert, It’s called a USA downside up cake. I have to bake it before I read the recipe.”

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Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He’s very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.

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This Clown Craze has gone too far.
I mean think about it
Donald Trump President of America

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Typical good start to the Ryder Cup from America -
Arnold Palmer, one under

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America's First Law of Motion:
An object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object tends to stay at rest, unless an external force acts upon the object.
Meaning
America tends to go its way unless acted upon by Osama.
America's Second Law of Motion:
The acceleration of a body is proportional to the force applied on it.
Meaning
The number of sleeping pills an American takes is directly proportional to the number of video tapes Osama releases.
America's Third Law of Motion:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Meaning
For every death of an American, there is a death of an afghan.

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When interviewers asked USA presidential candidate Gary (“Aleppo”) Johnson to find Syria on a map, he showed them a piece of sandpaper.

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Mexico’s president has cancelled his trip to America to visit Trump.
The wall isn’t even built yet and it’s already keeping one out.

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An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks:
“Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?” …
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The Irishman replies:
“No! I have two other brothers back home in County Cork, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both.”
The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.
The barman asks:
“Did something happen one of your brothers?”
“Oh no,” replies the Irishman. “Me New Year’s resolution was to quit drinking!”

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So, Donald Trump has chosen Mickey Pence as his vice-president….
…. Not even Walt Disney could’ve imagined that one day Mickey and Donald would be running America!!

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On a scale of North Korea to America, how free are you tonight?

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For the record USA….
Today is 9/11.

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