One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner. In an attempt to bring peace to his magical forest, the frog hops up to the two and promises them 3 wishes each if they stop this violence. After both animals agreed, the frog chooses the bear to state his first wish, first. After thinking for a while, the bear says, "I wish for all the bears in this forest to be female except me." Next is the rabbit's turn, "I wish for a motorcycle helmet," he says. The bear laughed, what an idiotic wish to make he thought to himself. The bear then says, "I wish for all the bears in this country to be female except me." The rabbit next says, "I wish for a motorcycle that requires no gas." The bear, almost tearing from laughter, says, "You could have wished for money to get those two things!" He then proceeds to make his final wish, after thinking for a while, he says to the frog, "I wish for all the bears in the world to be female except for me!" He smiles smugly. The rabit then puts on his helmet, hops on his motorcycle, grins to the bear and says, "I wish for this bear to be gаy."
On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question.
One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize.
"To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "вiтсh" and the women called the man a "ваsтаrd".
Their son walked in and said, "What does вiтсh and ваsтаrd mean?" and the parents replied, "Ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sеx, the women said, "Feel my тiттiеs" and the man said, "Feel my d*ck".
Their son walked in and asked, "What does тiттiеs and d*ck mean?" and the parents replied, "Hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself. "Shiт," he said. The kid came in and asked, "What's that mean?" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "F*ck" she said. Once again the kid asked, "What's that mean?" The mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door веll rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said, "Alright you вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds, put your d*cks and тiттiеs in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shiт off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f**king the turkey!"