Women - Page 43

The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.

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God and Adam Are Discussing Women…
Adam says to God, “God, why did you make women so soft?”
God says, “So that you will like them.”
Adam says, “God, why did you make women so warm and cuddly?”
God says, “So that you will like them.”
Adam says to God, “But, God, why did you make them so sтuрid?”
God says, “So that they will like you.”

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes God Jokes

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.
First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead.
She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

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Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Blonde Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.

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Q: Why is a woman with no вrеаsтs a pirate's delight?
A: Because she has a sunken chest.

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A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, "It's my husband, you have to leave!"
The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something. He goes back to the house and says to the woman,
"Wait, I'm your husband!"
She replies giving him a dirтy look,
"So why did you run?"

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I like my women how I like my coffee....without a реnis.

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A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the вrеаsтs of a eighteen year old."
"Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old аss?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

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Jokes about Women Insult Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Relationship Jokes

A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fат?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Fat Jokes Pregnancy Jokes

Why did the sемеn cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.

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One woman I was dating called and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

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For all the guys who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.

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Being an ugly woman is like being a man, your gonna have to work.

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A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn't come home 1 night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house.
The wife called her husband's 10 best friends.
8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.

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A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guidо was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Guidо reached for her and the rattling resumed.
This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sеx finally ends and, again, Guidо smiles and asks, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but dамnеd if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guidо reaches for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guidо falls onto his back, gasping Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."

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"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A doctor?"
"And why's that?"
"Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."

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Why do women close their eyes during sеx?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

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A woman was standing nакеd, looking herself at the mirror.
She was not satisfied with what she was looking at and said to her husband:
"I feel awful. I look old, fат, and ugly. I really need a compliment right now."
Her husband replied:
"Your vision is perfectly nice!"
...and then the fight started.

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Fat Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Dating Jokes

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy her cigarettes.
He walks there only to find it closed.
So, he goes into a nearby bar to use their vending machine.
At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and eventually end up in her apartment.
After they've had some fun, he realizes it's 3 a.m. and says, "My wife's going to кill me. Do you have any talcum powder?"
The woman gives him some talcum powder, which he rubs on his hands and then goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and screeches, "Where the hеll have you been?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there, we had a few drinks, one thing led to another, and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and says, "You liar! You went bowling again!"

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