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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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Rhonda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”
When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you sтuрid ugly bird!”
To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”
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My Toy Pomeranian got ate by my grumpy old cat. I hated it and I loved the little guy!
A few days later the cat coughed the little hairball up!
Hey, he lost a few pounds and looks pretty good!
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Three ducks, in line, are crossing the road. “The duck in the back says, “Quack, quack!”
The duck in the front says, “Hey, I’m moving as fast as I can!”
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I'm opposed to product testing on animals, especially in cosmetics research. What can we possibly learn from it? So what if a dog looks good in lipstick?
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After a hard days work of making balloon animals and entertaining kids a clown asks his boss if he could have a raise and the boss replied "ha, after 20 years of working with you its about time you made me laugh!"
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Nothing says' I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.
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When Kermit is broke and has no girl, what happens? …
…
He tries to pick up a fast greenback.
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Two cats want to cross the river. One is named one-two-three, the other is named un-deux-trois. Who made it across the river first? One-two-three did. Un-deux-trois cat sank.
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You guys familiar with Elliot's Peripheral Extrapolation Theorem? That's the one that states that depending on the size of an enclosure, i. E. an aquarium or terrarium, that the animal, i. E. fish or lizard, that you put in that area will grow depending on the size and the room it has to grow in. And based on that, I've been wearing some very large underwear.
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A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."
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Abner: We've got a hen down at our house that lays white eggs.
Luke: What's so wonderful about that?
Abner: Can you do it?
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Two robins were sitting on a fence post in front of a freshly plowed field. One robin said to the other "I'm hungry! Are you?"
"Yes," said the other robin. "Why don't we go in this field and get some worms to eat." They went in the field and started eating. They ate until they were so full they could not even move. The first robin said "I can't move, lets just stay hear and bask in the sun."
"Ok," said the other robin. In a few minutes both robins fell asleep. Later that day the farm cat came up and ate both robins. When finished he remarked "I love Basken Robins."
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Dear ladies, if you want to have more free time and have fun on the weekends, teach your men fishing!
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What goes "oooooooooooooooo!!!"?
A соw with no lips.
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A pony walks into a bar and asks, "Bartender, may I have a drink?"
Bartender says,
"What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"
"May I please have a drink?" asks the pony.
"What? You have to speak up!" the bartender says.
"Could I please have a drink?"
"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you," the bartender says.
"I'm sorry," the pony adds, "I'm just a little hoarse."
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Who had the biggest, creepiest, deadliest bug crawling on them without them even knowing it, and then the bug almost stings them, but for whatever reason doesn't sting them and crawls off them and only you know about it?
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Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
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A giraffe walks into a bar.
“Вlооdy hеll,” said the barman. “You’re the first giraffe that’s ever been in here.”
“Not surprised,” replied the giraffe. “That door frame’s far too fuскing low.”
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