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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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Did you hear about the elephant who was always left out of things and thus felt irrelephant?
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At a session with a marriage counsellor, the wife snapped at me:
“That’s not true! I do enjoy sеx!”
Then, turning to the counsellor, she said:
“But this ANIMAL here expects it three or four times a year!”
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Did you hear about the monkey with a steak on his head, thought he was a grills?
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Q. How do you make a cat flap?
A. Throw it off a cliff.
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Me: Max I am sick of you shiттing all over the lawn
My Dog Max: Well I don’t complain when you take shiтs in my water bowl.
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Two birds were sitting on a tree and one looked at the other and said, ‘Dam today really FLEW by’.
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What kind of construction are dogs good at?
Roofing
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When I was a child I wanted to be a web designer. I’ve always had a fascination with spiders.
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Yo mama's like a bowling ball shes picked up fingered and then thrown in a gutter
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Come on, we're endangered. We HAVE to do it!
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Show business is a dog eat dog world. Make sure your dog isn't anorexic.
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I went to my local cafe today for lunch and apologized to the waitress for bringing my pet goat.
She said it's OK today but it won't be allowed in future.
She asked me what I would like for lunch, I said "steak with fries and the Kid Special."
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A lady takes her 5 year old son to the zoo. One of the first thing they saw was a couple animals doing it. The 5 year old asks, "Mommy, what are they doing?" She didn't know what to say, so she said "Well,they're making fish sticks." Five minutes later, a couple more animals were doing it and again he asked the same thing and again she said "They are making fish sticks." When they got home, she was in the bedroom with her husband for about ten minutes, and when she got out, her son ran up to her and asked "Mommy, were you in the bedroom making fish sticks with Daddy?" She said,
"As a matter of fact we were." And he replied, "I thought so, because I can see tarter sauce on your сhin."
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A Hamster, a Cat and a Dog all live in the same house. The Hamster decided she wanted to go on a journey, so she packed a bag and put on her favorite hat and started on her way. The Cat noticed the Hamster was preparing to leave so she decided since there wouldn't be anyone to chase she would follow just far enough behind the hamster as to not tip her off. She packed a bag and put on her favorite sweater. Then waited for the hamster to be just far enough away. Then she followed. The Dog noticed the Cat was leaving he didn't want to be left alone with no one there to chase. So packed what he could carry in a small bag and grabbed his favorite chew toy. Then waited just long enough for the Cat to get a little further away and then followed just far enough behind as to not tip off the Cat. Then as the Dog was following the Cat and the Cat was following the Hamster the local animal control caught the Dog and the Cat. While the Hamster looked on with a big grin from ear to ear.
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A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’,
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron рот.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the рот rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the рот. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking
Around before it slams down..
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and  demands an explanation.
‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’
The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise’
(You’re going to love this, and you’re going to hate yourself for loving it!…)
‘Ah! So sorry,’ says the waiter, ‘I bring you Peeking Duck
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Every time I see a politician on the campaign trail, they make all kinds of promises they have no intention of living up to. Basically, our election system has become a more sophisticated version of that game you used to play with your dog when you were a kid, where you'd take a tennis ball and fake throw it and watch him run out and try to find it. 'What is that? Is that healthcare? You want healthcare, don't you? Go get it!'
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Just quit my job at the poultry farm. I’m fed up of working with соскs.
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Q. Why did the worker on the egg farm get fired from his job?
A. Because he had a сrаск addiction.
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