Animal Jokes

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Some people have a hard time understanding how Noah could fit all those animals inside the ark...
But what amazes me is that Noah built the ark without a single power тооl.

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The sheep were standing around talking to each other and discussing life as usual when suddenly they hear a "mooooooooooo".
They look around and see only sheep. They carry on grazing as before. "Mooooo, moooooo, mmmooo!"
One sheep can hear it all too clearly next to him. He shuffles away a little from his friend, a worried look on his face and then asks, "George, why are you mooing? You’re a sheep. Sheep go 'baa!'"
His friend replies gladly, "I know, I thought I would learn a foreign language!"

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Why does a Giraffe have long legs?
So that it can reach the ground.

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Saw a chameleon today.
So I guess it’s safe to say it was a pretty shiт chameleon.

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Erica is walking out of a movie theater at the same time as a man with a parrot on his shoulder. Erica turns to the man and says,
"Your parrot actually seemed to understand the movie. It looked around during the boring parts, it paid close attention to the dramatic parts, it even squawked during the funny parts. I don't understand how that can be?"
The man turns to Erica and says,
"I don't understand it either, he didn't like the book at all."

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A zookeeper is ordering new animals. As he fills out the forms, he types “two mongeese”. That doesn’t look quite right, so he tries two mongoose, and then two mongooses.
Giving up, he types, “One mongoose, and while you’re at it, send another one.”

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Hard to take women with false eyelashes seriously. It's like watching two tarantulas scream for attention.

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I look down, I see this big dog sitting there licking himself, like dogs do. I turn to my friend, I say, 'I wish I could do that.' He said, 'Go over and pet him, maybe he'll let you.'

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What did the spider email to the fly?
Visit my Web site!

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A deer was trying to cross a busy road but the traffic was very heavy. After waiting unsuccessfully for a few minutes, a bear walked past and said:
“Excuse me, there’s a zebra crossing a bit further along the road.” The deer said, “Well, I hope he’s having better luck than I am!

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While drinking at the river, a young bear admires its reflection and growls, “I am the king of beasts!” Along comes a lion and roars, “What was that I just heard?” “Oh, dear,” says the bear, “you say strange things when you’ve had too much to drink.”

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A wise dog once told me:
"Life is like a box of chocolates... it kills you."

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A hippopotamus walks into a pub and asks the bartender for a pint of Guinness. “That will be £7.50 please,” says the barman.
The hippo pays and starts to sip his вееr.
“You know, we don”t very many hippos in here,” says the bartender.
The hippo replies:
“At £7.50 a pint it”s no wonder!”

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What did the hungry соw shout out to the farmer as he was walking by?
"Haaaaay!!!!"

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Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand...

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This is what cats have scheduled around the clock! You indoor cat owners can agree with me!
12:00 AM: The cat gets hungry hops on to nearest human attempts to wake human up to feed the cat!
1:00 AM: After human feeds the cat at midnight, the cat gets a surge of energy and has a sudden need to play!! Cat then jumps up and down on human’s chest as a use for entertainment.
3:06 AM: After the human throws the cat off the bed, the cat jumps back up on the bed and finds the human's toes as a new toy.
3:10 AM: After the human kicks the cat off the bed, the cat gets angry and storms out of the room.
4:00 AM: Human goes to the bathroom. Cats find this a great opportunity to show affection for human. When human returns to the bedroom he finds the cat totally stretched out in the right across the dead center of the bed. After human throws cat into basement the cat feels upset and hurt. Cat claws and meows at the door in order to get the humans attention.
4:10 AM: Human frustrated because it is getting no sleep and it has to go to work at 5:00. The human cannot sleep because it hears the loud noises that the cat is making. Human opens the door to the basement and the cat runs into the human’s bedroom and under the bed.
4:40 AM: After spending 30 minutes trying to get the cat out from under the bed. The human gives up and rushes to get ready for work.
5:59 AM: After the human gets a shower and brushes its teeth. It opens the door to leave for work, when the cat runs out into the yard.
5:15 AM: The human finally catches the cat and it is very tired and upset he will be 20 minutes late for work.
5:20 AM: After being roughly thrown inside, the cat watches the human speed off. The cat then congratulates himself of a job well done and the cat sleeps for the next 3 hours.
8:30 AM: After spending 3 hours of lovely slumber the cat gets busy to work by throwing up and going to the bathroom on the carpet. The cat then amuses itself by knocking over lamps, shedding on the furniture, eating plants, and eating meat on the counter that the human forgot to put away last night.
3:00 PM: The cat is very tired after destroying the house and the cat goes to the human’s bed and finds comfort under the covers.
5:00 PM: The human walks in the door coming from work and it is very upset because it got fired from work for being late.
5:05 PM: The human is very tired and falls over on the bed in exhaustion.
5:06 PM: The human tries to calm the cat down after it was just smashed by the human.
6:00 PM: The human feeds the cat and the cat forgives the human for smashing it!
9:00 PM: After feeding the cat again the human attempts to go to sleep because it has to wake up at 5:00 because it wants find another job.
9:30 PM: The human goes to bed finally after watching TV with the cat. The human then decides to sleep for at least 2 and half hours.
12:00 AM: The cat gets hungry hops on to nearest human attempts to wake human up to feed the cat..................

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Went to a petting zoo last week with only 1 dog . It was a shitzu,

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Is that shirt (those pants) mad of camel skin? (No, why?) Cause I noticed the humps!

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