Animal Jokes

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A Hamster, a Cat and a Dog all live in the same house. The Hamster decided she wanted to go on a journey, so she packed a bag and put on her favorite hat and started on her way. The Cat noticed the Hamster was preparing to leave so she decided since there wouldn't be anyone to chase she would follow just far enough behind the hamster as to not tip her off. She packed a bag and put on her favorite sweater. Then waited for the hamster to be just far enough away. Then she followed. The Dog noticed the Cat was leaving he didn't want to be left alone with no one there to chase. So packed what he could carry in a small bag and grabbed his favorite chew toy. Then waited just long enough for the Cat to get a little further away and then followed just far enough behind as to not tip off the Cat. Then as the Dog was following the Cat and the Cat was following the Hamster the local animal control caught the Dog and the Cat. While the Hamster looked on with a big grin from ear to ear.
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A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’,
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron рот.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the рот rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the рот. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking
Around before it slams down..
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and  demands an explanation.
‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’
The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise’
(You’re going to love this, and you’re going to hate yourself for loving it!…)
‘Ah! So sorry,’ says the waiter, ‘I bring you Peeking Duck
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A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.
He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiот, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.
The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin’ it up. So the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet.
The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.
“Ha!” the Scot says. “Can’t you play it?”
The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to sсrеw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.”
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