Animal Jokes

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Whenever we use similes for some reason, we always use animals. And I'll show you what I mean. They say a man's an animal trying to pick up a girl at a bar. He likes to show her he's strong as an ox, sly as a fox, memory like an elephant, can become slippery as an eel, a regular snake in the grass. Girl likes that; she's going home with him. They're snug as two bugs in a rug. So they go home. They huмр like rabbits. Unfortunately, he's quick as a bunny. She's depressed. She goes right into the refrigerator. She's hungry as a bear, eats like a pig. He goes to the liquor cabinet, gets drunк as a skunk. He drinks like a fish; he's blind as a bat. Next thing you know, he's out in the street, nакеd as a jaybird. He's рissing like a racehorse. He goes, 'Sсrеw her. I'm hung like a horse.'
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Three scientists in Brunswick, Maine, were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant’s backside and force fed it for 2 weeks.
But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go.
A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried, they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.
One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go.
The big day arrived, they set up all the monitoring equipment and set out to a safe distance.
The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer.
They heard a loud roar, but there was no visual evidence. The three scientists returned dejectedly to their lab.
The next morning in their local paper, they saw the headline saying “Shiт storms in Texas……Flying monkey kills соw.”
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