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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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Why do dogs make such poor gamblers?
When they get a good hand at poker, they wag their tails.
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The only соw in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a соw just across the state line in Illinois for $200.
They brought the соw from Illinois and the соw was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the соw to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved соw. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the соw, the соw would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the соw would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull tries to mount our соw, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side.”
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you by chance, buy this соw in Illinois?”
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the соw. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the соw in Illinois?”
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Illinois.
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There are two cows out in a field in Britain. One соw turns to the other and asks, "Are you worried about this Mad Соw disease?" The other соw responds, "Nope." The first соw exclaims, "How can you say that? Cows all over England are getting it. I'm scared stiff!" The other соw just looks at him and says,
"Mad Соw disease, why should I be worried? I'm a helicopter."
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What do you call a blind deer?
A no-eyed deer (say it out loud)
What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
A still no-eyed deer.
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I love how all these vegans still drink water. That’s a fishes house you disgusting savages.
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My girlfriend just recently got a tattoo of a dolphin on her inner thigh. It’s amazing what tattooists can do these day, when you put your face near it you can actually smell the ocean.
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Need a list of animals that got on chucks bad side, check the extinction list
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Is it okay if my parrot watches? Yar!
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What do you call the breeze from a wagging tail?
Tail Wind!
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Whenever we use similes for some reason, we always use animals. And I'll show you what I mean. They say a man's an animal trying to pick up a girl at a bar. He likes to show her he's strong as an ox, sly as a fox, memory like an elephant, can become slippery as an eel, a regular snake in the grass. Girl likes that; she's going home with him. They're snug as two bugs in a rug. So they go home. They huмр like rabbits. Unfortunately, he's quick as a bunny. She's depressed. She goes right into the refrigerator. She's hungry as a bear, eats like a pig. He goes to the liquor cabinet, gets drunк as a skunk. He drinks like a fish; he's blind as a bat. Next thing you know, he's out in the street, nакеd as a jaybird. He's рissing like a racehorse. He goes, 'Sсrеw her. I'm hung like a horse.'
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What do you call a story told by a giraffe?
A tall tale!
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It's always a gamble, picking up a dog, because I'm never sure where they bend. It's never the same. Where do dogs bend? They're like rigid little furry tables. You got to go in like a fork lift and just take a chance. Once you're up in the air, you never know when is going to yield into that lowercase 'c' shape, with the a**hole right on your arm.
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Why couldn’t the cat speak?
The dog taped his mouth.
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The petting zoo's a great place to go if you want to discard your child's clothing in a goat's stomach.
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The week we got our puppy, I caught a stomach bug and stayed home from work one day. That afternoon, my wife called to check up on me.
"I’m okay," I said. "But guess who pooped in the dining room?"
My wife’s response, "Who?"
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She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
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Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? (no) me neither but enough to break the ice, hi my name is .....
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Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was
Losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring
Out the animal in me."
"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"
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