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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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"Top 10 Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password"
10. E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."
9. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
8. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like (alt. Recreational. Catnip).
7. Your web browser has a new home page: (http://www. Feline. Com/).
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of "CyberDog."
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.
And the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password...
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
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A young bull and an old bull are at the top of a hill.
There are dozens of cows grazing in the pasture below. The young bull says, “Let’s run down there and ∫cuk the brains out of a соw!”
The old bull says, “No, let’s walk down and ∫cuk the brains out of all of them.”
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There are 10 birds sitting on a fence...
If you shoot one down, how many are left?
None, they all flew away!
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How do you stop an elephant from going on vacation?
You take his trunk away.
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A father watched his young daughter as she played in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. …
…
Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. The father went over to her to see what had captured her attention. …
…
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. …
…
“Daddy, what are those spiders doing?” she asked. …
…
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top?”
“That’s a Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment. “So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” she asked.
The father’s heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question. He laughed, and then replied, “No sweetheart. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped the spiders flat. “Well, we’re not having any of that gаy shiт in our garden.”
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Scientists proved that cows don't give us meat and milk. We just take it from them!
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Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
‘I would like a Sprite,’ said the first little piggy.
‘I would like a Coke,’ said the second little piggy.
‘I want вееr, lots and lots of вееr,’ said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
‘I want a nice big steak,’ said the first piggy.
‘I would like the salad plate,’ said the second piggy.
‘I want вееr, lots and lots of вееr,’ said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
‘I want a banana split,’ said the first piggy.
‘I want a cheesecake,’ said the second piggy.
‘I want вееr, lots and lots of вееr,’ exclaimed the third little piggy.
‘Pardon me for asking,’ said the waiter to the third little piggy,
‘But why have you only ordered вееr all evening?’
The third piggy says -
‘Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
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What goes Mu-Mu?
A соw that studders.
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What does the third mole in the underground tunnel smell?
.
Molasses
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A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance.
"That is a very smart dog," the man commented.
"Not really," said one of the irked players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
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The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes, the crossing on the road is still named after a Zebra.
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I bet Egyptians were all like "Yo, nobody in history will ever worship and revere cats like we do" and then came the internet.
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Careful! Angry dog in the backyard! Please do not crush him.
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There were three pigs. The biggest pig went to the market and asked for the largest soda. He gulped it up and asked where the bathroom is. "Right over there," says the store clerk. Then, the middle pig went to the market and asked for the largest soda. He gulped it down and asked where the bathroom was too. "Right over there," said the store clerk. Finally, the littlest pig came in the market and asked for the largest soda. He gulped it all down. The store clerk asked," Aren't you gonna ask where the bathroom is?"
"Nope," said the little pig," Don't u remember I'm the one that wee wees all the way home."
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A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.
He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to help him.
In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor and asked what should be done.
The mayor asked,
"Why bother me? "You're a clergyman. It's your job to bury the dead."
The reverend lost his cool. "Yes," he snapped. "But I thought I should at least notify the next-of-kin."
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If you really think about it, a kangaroo is just a mixture of a T-Rex and a deer.
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I think that a Koala should definitely be considered a bear instead of a Marsupial...
It certainly has all of the Koalafications.
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Have you heard about the amazing new chimpanzee diet for weight loss? All you have to do is eat 20 bananas a day and spend about 12 hours climbing trees.
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