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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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A new neighbour called the Highways Department to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on the road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here. I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
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What do you call a man who fuскs pigs?
Willie-ham
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I wonder if my first cat appreciates being at least slightly immortalized in my passwords.
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I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.
Then I saw a cottonmouth snake with a frog in his mouth.
Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth.
I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.
So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs
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One fly says to another fly:
"Psst. Hey your man is open!"
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Yo mama is so dirтy the only words her pet parrot can say is “In my аss, in my аss”!
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The only person in our town who can afford to go on a jaguar is a zoo-keeper.
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"Top 10 Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password"
10. E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."
9. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
8. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like (alt. Recreational. Catnip).
7. Your web browser has a new home page: (http://www. Feline. Com/).
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of "CyberDog."
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.
And the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password...
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
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A young bull and an old bull are at the top of a hill.
There are dozens of cows grazing in the pasture below. The young bull says, “Let’s run down there and ∫cuk the brains out of a соw!”
The old bull says, “No, let’s walk down and ∫cuk the brains out of all of them.”
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There are 10 birds sitting on a fence...
If you shoot one down, how many are left?
None, they all flew away!
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I’ve just been into my local pet shop.
I said, “How much is that doggy in the window?”
“The one with the waggly tail?” the owner replied, laughing.
“No, the one with three legs. I’ve only got twenty bucks,” I replied.
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How do you stop an elephant from going on vacation?
You take his trunk away.
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Scientists proved that cows don't give us meat and milk. We just take it from them!
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Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
‘I would like a Sprite,’ said the first little piggy.
‘I would like a Coke,’ said the second little piggy.
‘I want вееr, lots and lots of вееr,’ said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
‘I want a nice big steak,’ said the first piggy.
‘I would like the salad plate,’ said the second piggy.
‘I want вееr, lots and lots of вееr,’ said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
‘I want a banana split,’ said the first piggy.
‘I want a cheesecake,’ said the second piggy.
‘I want вееr, lots and lots of вееr,’ exclaimed the third little piggy.
‘Pardon me for asking,’ said the waiter to the third little piggy,
‘But why have you only ordered вееr all evening?’
The third piggy says -
‘Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
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What goes Mu-Mu?
A соw that studders.
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What does the third mole in the underground tunnel smell?
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Molasses
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A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance.
"That is a very smart dog," the man commented.
"Not really," said one of the irked players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
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The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes, the crossing on the road is still named after a Zebra.
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