Animal Jokes

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Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.
When the first dog asks the second dog what he’s in for.
He answers, “My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I’ve been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you here for?”
The first dog replies grimly, “I’m also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidently bumped into the table and broke them all.”
The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he’s in for.
The third dog answers, “The reason I’m here is the other day my master stepped out of the shower and she веnт over. I couldn’t resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like a wild animal!”
“So I guess you’re also here to be put to sleep?” says the first dog.
The third dog answers, “Nope, I’m here to get my nails done.”
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A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, when the bird continued, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
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Среќен Кое има четири крака и една ръка ? - Какво е това, което има 4 крака и една ръка? Was hat vier Beine und einen Arm? Въпрос: Кое е това нещо с четири крака и една ръка? Vad är det som har fyra ben och en arm? - En glad pitbull Qu Was für eine Tier hat fünf Beine? Ein Pitbull auf dem Kinderspielplatz! Was hat 4 Beine und 1 Hand? Ein Rottweiler der vom Kinderspielplatz kommt. Welches Tier hat fünf Beine? - Ein Pitbull, der gerade vom Spielplatz zurückkommt. Ce are 4 picioare si o mana in gura.? un pit-bull fericit Ce are 4 picioare si o mana? ????????? Un pitbull dupa ce s-a jucat cu postasul - Šta ima četiri noge i ruku? - Veseli pitbul. O que é o que é. Tem quatro patas e um braço? Um pit-bull feliz.
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