Animal Jokes

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Quack quack quack quack quack quack

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What a duck’s favorite thing to smoke?
Quack

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Curiousity killed the cat. But for a while I was a suspect

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How do you pet a psychopaths cat?
You get it out of the microwave

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Anyone who says they dont like cats, has never had one cooked right…

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I came home from school One day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiот and told me to go kick rocks so I did except I kicked him out him and I called him the idiот for not moving out of the way

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A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

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I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say… THAT THING WAS FAST! I had run a red light to get it!

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3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer :
Chi-ca-go

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If I were a cat I’d spend all nine of my lives with you

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A соw went into a pride of lion’s territory?
Since that moment he knew his life was on stake

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The one by die

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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Lion 🦁.
Lion who?
Lion again aren’t you?

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What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁

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What animal lies. A lion

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Whats black white and read all over?
A zebra after a lion is full

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Why do lions always lose at poker?
Because they always play against cheetas

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A man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the man orders a вееr one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks the giraffe falls over and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says
"Stop! you can’t leave that thing lying on the floor"
The man says
"Mate, that’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe".

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