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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
He always said "Neigh"
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Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop?
Hopspital.
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Why don't whales eat sushi very often?
Of course whales like sushi.
It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
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Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought the teacher had said lions.
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Why was соw afraid?
He was a соw-herd.
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What is a соw's favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
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A bear and a rabbit are taking a shiт in the woods, finally the bear says,
"Excuse me ,do you have problems with сrар sticking to your furr when you go?"
The rabbit replies,
"WHY NO"..... So then the bear wiped his аss with the rabbit.
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Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
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A реnguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop.
The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour.
The реnguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works.
He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face.
He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car.
The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal."
"Oh, no." replies the реnguin "It's just some ice cream."
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How far can a rabbit run into the woods?
Halfway.
After that she's running out of the woods.
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What do cows like to listen to?
Moo-sic.
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Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back?
They re always switching their tails.
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A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a вееr.
The bartender approaches and says,
"We don't serve вееr to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a вееr.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve вееr to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says,
"If you don't serve me a вееr, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says,
"Sorry, we don't serve вееr to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a вееr.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve вееr to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says,
"I'm NOT on drugs."
Te bartender says,
"You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
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"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?"
"I believe he's eating your lettuce."
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A husband and wife are eating soup.
The wife spills soup all over her and says:
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
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A dog goes into a job centre and asks for employment.
‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk.
‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a job at the circus.’
‘The circus?’ says the dog.
‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’
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Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a соw in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's аss. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a соw.
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