Animal Jokes

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Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.

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There were three indians that got kick out of the tride.
One said “me find food” and he came back with a decent size rabit. The other two asked him what happened he said "me see rabit me shoot rabit and rabit fall down dead.
The 2nd indian “me find food” he came back with a good sized deer the other two asked him what happened he said"me see deer me shoot deer deer fall down dead.
The third indian said “me find food” he came back crwling mising a leg and an arm and he was all cut up the others anded what happened he said "me see train me shoot trai train no stop

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Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.

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What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.

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Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.

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Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle?- cause there are cheetahs!!

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Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.

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Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah DUH!

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How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
Knead for Speed.
Why is Santa good at karate?
He has a black belt.
Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
Beast Buy.
What did the snowflake say to the road?
Let’s stick together.
Why did the turkey join a band?
So he could use his drumsticks.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
Figure skating.
Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
Beast Buy.
What did the snowflake say to the road?
Let’s stick together.
Why did the turkey join a band?
So he could use his drumsticks.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
Figure skating.
What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
The glitterbug.
Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
Because they always make-up
Via GIPHY
Where do roses sleep at night?
In their flowerbed
Why was the show bad at gymnastics?
She was a flip-flop
What should you wear to a tea party?
A t-shirt
What’s rain’s favorite accessory?
A rainbow
Where does a sink go dancing?
The Dish-co
What’s a princess’s favorite time?
Knight time.
Why did the Genie get mad?
Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?
A bun.
What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
Hip hop.
What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
Shop ‘til they hop.
Via GIPHY
How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
She nailed it.
What is corn’s favorite music?
Pop.
Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?
It’s a weak day.
Why was the politician out of breath?
He was running for office.
What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?
Goooooooooooold!
Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
Pennsylvania.
Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
Inside.
Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
He forgot his lawsuit.
Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
He crashed the computer
Via GIPHY
What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
An eyeball.
What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
Shells.
What time of year do people get injured the most?
In the fall.
Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
Because he knew he would pass.
Why did the musician throw away her table?
Because it was flat.
Why didn’t the farmer’s son study medicine?
Because he wanted to go into a different field?
What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?
Pi
Why was the princess in the emergency r

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What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.

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Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
Because they dont meet the koalafications

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Q:Why did the Koala Fall off the tree A:because it was dead Q:Why did the second Koala fall off the tree A:Because it was hit by the first Koala Q:Why did the third Koala fall off the tree A:Because it thought it was a game and joined in

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A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. the farmer says “I milked your соw”. the neighbor replies “i have a bull not a соw”

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A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

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What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? – A bi-polar-bear.

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They found a cat on mars...
A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

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"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

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Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors.
Because they were Veteran Aryans.

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