A cowboy passes by a ranch and strikes up a conversation with the rancher sitting by the gate.
The cowboy asks the rancher, "Mind if I talk to your dog over there?"
"Dамn fool, don't you know dogs can't talk?"
The cowboy replies, "So what's the harm?"
The rancher shrugs, "Go right ahead."
The cowboy ambles up to the dog and says, "Howdy!" The dog replies, "Hello."
The rancher's eyes pop wide open.
The cowboy continues, "Does your master here treat you alright?"
"Sure does. He feeds me, lets me sleep inside, and every day he takes me to the lake."
The cowboy asks the shocked rancher, "Mind if I talk to your horse over there?"
The rancher replies, "Now, I don't know what you're up to, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk."
"Well then, what's the harm?"
"Go right ahead," says the rancher.
The cowboy says to the horse, "Hello." The horse replies, "Hello."
The rancher's jaw drops.
The cowboy asks, "Your owner here treat you OK?"
"Sure," replies the horse, tossing his mane. "He rides me every day, brushes me down, feeds me good, and he keeps me in the barn out of the bad weather."
The cowboy looks satisfied and turns to the rancher, "Are those your sheep over there?"
The rancher looks alarmed and stammers, "Listen - them sheep out there, they're - they're nothing but a bunch of liars!"
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
The horse falls into a mud hole and starts to sink. He entreats the chicken to get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farm, but the farmer can't be found. So, he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole, ties some rope around the bumper and pulls the horse to safety.
A few days later, the chicken and the horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken yells to the horse to get help from the farmer. The horse says, "Wait, I think I can stand over the hole!" So, he stretches over the width of the hole and says, "Grab my реnis and pull yourself up." The chicken does and pulls himself to safety.
The moral of the story: if you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.