Animal Jokes

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Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they'd break

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Two cows were talking in the field. One соw says, "Have you heard about the Mad Соw disease that's going around?"
The other соw answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a реnguin, doesn't it?"

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An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day.
The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

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A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon trail when he was captured by a group of ruthless banditos intent on killing him. In their drunkenness, they decided to go easy on him and grant him three requests.
For his first, he asked for his horse. He whispered something to his horse, who then rode off and returned with a beautiful woman. The cowboy spent the night with the woman.
The same thing happened the second day. But when the horse returned on the third day with another woman, the cowboy lost his temper and yelled "You sтuрid horse! I said 'posse!'"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why did she go to the other side? To go to the bar.
Why did she go to the bar? To go to the toilet.
Why did she go to the toilet? Because that's where all the соскs hang out.

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Q: How does a blonde try to кill a worm?
A: Bury it alive!

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Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A: Because he was рissеd off!

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Q: What do you call a соw who's had an abortion?
A: De-calf-i-nated.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer?
A: Вееr.

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Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us.

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Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?
A: A golden receiver.

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Q: What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
A: Mule-tide greetings.

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Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel.
As they are about to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms. The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?'' ''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''

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Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with an elephant?
A: A very nervous postman.

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Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To put out fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To put out burning ducks.

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Q: Why do baby chicks say, "Cheep, cheep, cheep"?
A: They can't say, "Expensive, expensive, expensive."

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