Animal Jokes

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Q: Why do rednecks' dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars...

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A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon trail when he was captured by a group of ruthless banditos intent on killing him. In their drunkenness, they decided to go easy on him and grant him three requests.
For his first, he asked for his horse. He whispered something to his horse, who then rode off and returned with a beautiful woman. The cowboy spent the night with the woman.
The same thing happened the second day. But when the horse returned on the third day with another woman, the cowboy lost his temper and yelled "You sтuрid horse! I said 'posse!'"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why did she go to the other side? To go to the bar.
Why did she go to the bar? To go to the toilet.
Why did she go to the toilet? Because that's where all the соскs hang out.

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Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A: Because he was рissеd off!

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Q: What do you call a соw who's had an abortion?
A: De-calf-i-nated.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer?
A: Вееr.

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Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us.

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Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?
A: A golden receiver.

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Q: What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?
A: Ruff!

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Q: What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
A: Mule-tide greetings.

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Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel.
As they are about to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms. The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?'' ''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''

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Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with an elephant?
A: A very nervous postman.

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Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To put out fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To put out burning ducks.

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Q: Why do baby chicks say, "Cheep, cheep, cheep"?
A: They can't say, "Expensive, expensive, expensive."

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Q: What kind of fish does a dog catch?
A: Catfish.

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Q; What do you call two fleas on top of a bald head?
A: Homeless.

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Q: What did one flea say to the other flea?
A: "Shall we walk or take a dog?"

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