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Вицове за бирата English Bier-Witze Chistes de Cerveza Анекдоты о пиве Blagues sur la Bière Barzellette sulla Birra Αστεία για τη Μπίρα Виц за пивото Bira Şakaları Жарти про пиво Piadas sobre Cerveja Żarty o Piwie Ölskämt Moppen over bier Øl-vittigheder Ølvitser Vitsejä oluesta Sörös Viccek Glume cu Bere Vtipy o Pivu Anekdotai apie Alų Joki par Alu Vicevi o Pivu
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Beer Jokes

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There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunк.
The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another вееr, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunк to be served another drink.
The man leaves.
He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a вееr.
A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before.
The man leaves.
He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a вееr.
The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunк and to get a ride home and leave his bar.
He leaves.
He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him.
"I told you already, you are way to drunк, you can not have another вееr! Get out of my bar!"
Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"
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Eдин човек всяка вечер ходел в един и същи бар и винаги си поръчвал по четири големи уискита
A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers.
The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual.
"Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the вееr. Then he pays and walks out.
One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing.
The bartender watches him go through the same ritual.
Curious, he asks the bloke why.
"Well" the guy says, "I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia.
We have our birthdays on the same day.
We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other.
We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18"
The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers.
The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say "happy birthday, happy birthday!"
The bartender asks "so which one died?"
"No one."
"But you only ordered two drinks!"
"Yeah, well, I've given up drinking."
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A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job...
He notices a crate of вееr bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don't have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of вееr.
He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says "Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved".
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Carl was talking to a girl in a New York City bar. He asked,
"Can I get you a drink?"
The girl replied, "Certainly."
Carl then asked,
"What would you like?"
The girl said,
"Champagne."
Carl then asked,
"Why Champagne?"
The girl replied, "Because when I drink champagne I imagine I am a goddess on the Nile, draped in a long robe, relaxing peacefully, with servants fanning me and dropping peeled grapes into my mouth."
Curious, Carl asked her, "What if I just buy you a draft вееr?"
The girl replied, "I'll cut wet farts all night."
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Q: How does a blonde order a root вееr?
A: Extra large, hold the roots.
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The bartender asks:
"Would all three of you like some вееr?"
The first one replies, "I don't know."
The second one replies, "I don't know either."
The third replies, "Yes."
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A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of вееr.
"Sorry I cant serve you," states the barman.
"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
"Youre under 18," replies the barman.
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A drunк is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of вееr.
A man passes and asks him what the matter is.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunк.
‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’
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A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of вееr a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.
Not bad.
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A gorilla walks into a pub, pulls up a stool, and orders вееr.
The bartender gives him a mug and says,
"That'll be five bucks."
As the gorilla reaches for his pocket, the bartender adds, "you know, we don't usually get many gorilla customers in here."
The gorilla shrugged and replies,
"At five bucks a вееr, it's no wonder . . ."
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What happens when Chuck Norris orders a вееr and gets a вееr?
He roundhouses the waitress, Chuck Norris should not have to ask.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink вееr all day.
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Гости Mad Mother-of-Six El chiste de la madre de siete Μητέρα των Έξι There once was a man who was so proud of the fact that he had six kids that he insisted on calling his wife "mother of six." Ein Mann hat sechs Kinder und ist sehr stolz auf seine Leistung. Er ist so stolz Едно семейство имало шест деца. Башата бил толкова горд O maior orgulho de Evaldo era sua prole: seis filhos! Vivia tão cheio de si que passou a chamar a mulher de Mãe-de-Seis Un uomo Mor til seks En mand og hans kone havde fået fem børn og ventede et Sjette Een man heeft 6 kinderen en is trots op zijn prestatie. Hij is zo trots op zichzelf dat hij zijn vrouw 'moeder van 6' noemt En mann har seks barn og er veldig stolt over hva han har oppnådd. Han er så fornøyd at han begynner å kalle sin kone for "mor til seks"
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a вееr!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
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Drinking a non-alcoholic вееr is like muffing your sister, it tastes the same but something's not right about it.
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Backwoods High Tech:
Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jethro.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Keeps mosquitoes off the porch.
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - What you call your week-old underwear.
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A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day.
"Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of вееr left, so I let my baby brother have it."
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this вееr, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his вееr saying, "So did I!"
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Why вееr goes through your system so fast?
Because it does not have to stop to change color.
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