Jokes

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I heard an uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like 40$

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Youre foreheads so big it makes kanyes ego small

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People say I LIKE UR CUT G. Which is when u get a fresh cut but I guess when u go bald we can say like ur forehead g
I know it’s really really really really really bad

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Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that’s my garage"
He looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds “those are my headlights.” He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down “daddy whats that?” The dad replies “that’s my car.” He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says “you can lay with me.” He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then
He feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see’s them going at it he then yells “mommy turn on you’re headlights daddy’s parking his car in you’re garage!” THUD

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Dамn вiтсh you got a big аss for head

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Average Kid: brings mp3 to school
Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school
Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5

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Why are gаy people bad at hide and seek?
Because they’re always coming out of the closet

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What was the реdорhilе charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense

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What medicine do you take when your вuтт hurts ANSWER: assprin

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2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my вuтт fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times

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If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein

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How do you know that the U. S. suск at chess/
They lost two towers.

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Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers

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I use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days

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What do you call Stephen HAawking on fire
Hot wheels

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I don’t like to use the word kidnapping. So I just use the term: surprise adoption

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How come when women decide to кill their unborn baby its a “choice”. But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children its called “мurdеr”.

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My young son saw trump on TV he asked “Why is the man on TV painted orange?” I replied “Son when Russia pays that much for equipment, They don’t want it to rust”

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