Jokes

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People say that life is short
I say…
Life is the longest thing we ever do

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So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor:
“so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down” and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I’m just fuскin with u she’s DEAD!"

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What do women put on their ears to look more attractive? – Their knees.

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Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped

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Flat Earthers

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Once, there was a couple about to have sеx. “I have something to confess,” said the shy wife. The husband then said, “Whatever it is, I will still love.” The wife then said "Honey, I flat chested. The husband said, “It’s okay, I’m a baby down there anyways.” He then pulled down his pants and began to have sеx. The next day, the wife said “I thought you were a baby down there.” The husband then said “I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds.”…

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What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool.
- A baby with flat armbands-

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My Xbox has been acting up lately…
So I painted it black to make it run faster

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I got kicked out of a hospital once, I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

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Want to hear a joke a bout milk… no it’s to cheesey.

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Doctor:
“Does your реnis burn after inтеrсоursе?”
Patient:
“I don’t know. I never tried lighting it.”

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What do u call nuts on ur chest? Chestnuts
What do u call nuts on the wall? Walnuts
What do u call nuts on ur сhin? A blowjob

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My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

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Roses are red
Violets are blue
Once I’n done choking you
You will be too.

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Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 big macs

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What did the fish say before he hit the wall? – “Oh, dam.”

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I told my sister I was into inсеsт. She took it really hard. 😉😏

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How did stephen hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall

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