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Catholic Jokes

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How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change a thing.
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What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
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В бара протестант Надлъгват се циганин и арабин. Протестант Ein Ami Tres hombres presumiendo: Trois amis sur un banc discutent : _ J'ai 10 garçons Tres amigos que hace mucho que no se ven charlan en el bar: - Pues yo tengo 10 hijos varones. El amigo le contesta: - Pues si tienes uno más Oli suomalainen
A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families."I have four boys, and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team."
"That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team."
"That's nothing," says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."
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A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Oh Gоddаммiт, no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in.
The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!"
The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?"
The bartender says, "Yeah.."
The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?"
The bartender says, "It's across the road."
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A man in a balaclava with a gun asked, "Are you a Protestant or a Catholic?"
"Neither, I'm a Jew."
"But are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?"
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Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.
The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible.
All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hеll right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF ВАSТАRD WITH YOU TOO!”
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hat is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican? A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face! Vad är det för skillnad mellan en katolsk präst och acne? Acne kommer inte i ansiktet på dig före att du är över 12 år gammal Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einem katholischen Priester und Akne? Akne kommt erst auf dein Gesicht What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face. Mitä eroa on aknella ja katolisella papilla? Akne ei yleensä tule kuusivuotiaan naamalle. Quelle est la différence entre un prêtre et de l'acnée ? L'acnée attend que tu ais au moins 12 ans avant de venir sur ton visage.
What is the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.
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What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common?
Little boys pants half off.
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I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you маsтurвате”.
I said, “Is God a реdорhilе too, Father?”
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Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."
Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"
The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
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What do you call a catholic priest who molests children?
A catholic priest
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Why did the catholic priest suск diск at a glory hole?
because someone asked him what would he do for a klondike bar
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How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
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What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A Roamin' Catholic.
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Yo momma's so old, her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
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Q: How do you make holy water?
A: You boil the hеll out of it.
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What’s the difference between a Catholic Priest and a Greyhound?
A Greyhound waits for the hare to come out.
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