Dad Jokes

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There are three men in the military practicing skydiving. The first man jumps out and a swiss army knife falls out of his pocket. The second man jumps out and a kitchen knife falls out of his pocket. The third jumps out and a grenade falls out of his pocket. When they land, they go and look for the things they drop because they could have really hurt someone.
The first man is running along the street and sees a little boy crying. "Little boy, why are you crying?" he asks. The boy says,
"A swiss army knife fell out of the sky and killed my cat!"
The second man is running along a street and sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, why are you crying?" he asks. The girl says,
"A big kitchen knife fell from the sky and killed my puppy!"
The third man is running down a street and sees a little boy laughing hysterically. "Little boy, why are you laughing?" he asks. The boy says,
"My dad farted and the house blew up!"
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A kid is at school and the teacher told him his homework was to find out what the 5th letter of the alphabet was. He went home and asked his dad.
Kid: Dad what is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Because his dad is watching the footy he shouts
Dad: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!
He goes up to his mum and asks her what the 5th letter of the alphabet is.
Kid: Mum what is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Because his mum is on the phone she replies
Mum: Shut up!
He goes and asks his Little Brother what the 5th letter of the alphabet was.
Kid: Little Brother what is the 5th letter of the Alphabet?
Because he was watching the wiggles his response was
Little Brother: Chugga Chugga Chugga in my big red car!
The boy goes and asks his IPod what the 5th letter of the Alphabet was
Kid: IPod what is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
IPod: Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson!
The next day he goes to school and the teacher asks him what the 5th letter of the Alphabet was.
Teacher: What is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Kid: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!
Teacher: Excuse me!
Kid: Shut up!
Teacher: Who do you think you are?!?!??
Kid: Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson!
Teacher: How do you think you're going to get away with this?
Kid: Chugga Chugga Chugga in my big red car!
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.” Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Мiск Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Pattie explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.”
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?”
The bank manager looks back at her and says. “It’s a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
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It is little jimmys birthday again and he is alowwed to do anything he wants.
His mum is in the shower so Jimmy asks "mum can I come in with you?" His mum replies "Yes but don't look up or down!" so little Jimmy climbs in the shower with his mum, at first he tried not to look up or down but he had to. He looked up and said "mummy what are they?" His mum replies again " they are flash lights," Jimmy looked down and said "what's that?" His mum replies a third time "it's a cave."
Later on that night jimmys dad was taking a shower, little Jimmy asked the same question that he had asked his mum the first time " dad can I come in with you?" Dad replies "yes but don't look down!" Jimmy once again got in the shower and couldn't help but look down, he looked down and said "daddy what's that?" His dad replies "it's a snake"
So when jimmys mum and dad were in bed he asked them if he could sleep with them. His mum said yes so he got into bed with them......... Sometime later around midnight Jimmy screamed " MUM QUICK TURN ON THE FLASH LIGHTS THE SNAKE IS GOING INTO THE CAVE!!!!!
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