Dad Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

Yo momma so fат You're dad went in , but never came out.

0

0

Once a girl asked her father, dad whats sеx? The father es shocked by this question, with a little hesitation he explanied her about the birds and bees talk, little weirded out the girl said mom was explaning me about the 2 SECTS of christianity......

0

0

Yo Momma so fат when she walked onto the diving board the lifeguard said to your dad, "Sorry, you can't park here."

0

0

A man and his son were walking down the street. The boy saw a dog walking and sniffing at the ground. What makes the dog sniff at the ground dad? That is INSTINCT son.
A bit later his dad saw a dog sniffing another dog. Do you know why he's doing that son? I do dad, like you said before that’s END-STINK.

0

0

Little Johnny and a friend were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. “What’s it for?’ his friend asked. “I don’t know,” little Johnny replied. “I think you stand on it and it makes you mad. At least it does that for my Mom and Dad.”

0

0

Teacher: Little Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?
Johnny: No, teacher, it's just like Santa Claus. I know he's really my dad

0

0

Toy Disclaimers you have probably never noticed...
1. Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.
2. Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.
3. Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.
4. No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.
5. Some dismemberment may occur.
6. In case of breakage, scream until Dad buys a replacement.
7. Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.
8. Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended.
9. Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.
10. Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.

0

0

Feminists.
Because every вiтсh with dad issues isn’t hot enough to be a stripper.

0

0

Man: Is your dad black?
Girl: No. Why do you ask?
Man: Because you’ve stolen my heart.

0

0

One time I told a rival dad that the air pressure looked low in one of his tires right in front of a group of people.

0

0

There is a little girl on a bike and a cop
On a horse. The cop goes up to the
Little girl and says " did you get that
Bike from Santa?" Little girl says yes.
The cop says next year ask Santa for
Some reflectors and the cop gave her
A $5 fine. Then the girl replies hey cop
Did Santa get you that horse for
Christmas. He says yes. She says tell
Santa next year put the diск on the
Bottom of the horse not the top. LOL!!
My dad is trying to get 500 jаскаss!!!!

0

0

This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p. M. for any one under seventeen years of age. He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a. M. if he wanted. “Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under seventeen and it has to be in the garage by eleven.” His father said.

0

0

With his wife out for the evening, a father was trying to watch TV, but his young son kept coming in and asking for a glass of water.
After the seventh glass, the father lost his temper and yelled, "Go to sleep, I'm watching TV."
"But Dad," he protested, "my room is still on fire!"

0

0

I've been a dad for awhile. I've noticed that certain things don't change about a child, no matter what stage of development they're in. When they're really small, just learning how to walk, you always have to tell them the same thing over and over again:
'Watch out. Don't touch that. Don't put that in your mouth.' Now my daughter is almost a teenager. Are we all on the same page on that? Because I really don't want to have to draw a diagram for that one.

0

0

Son:
"Dad, what is 'creeping inflation'?"
Father:
"It's when your mother starts out asking for new shoes and ends up with a complete new outfit."

0

0

Went to a wedding today.
It was just some girl from the office that I don’t even like that much, but I thought I’d show my face just to be sociable.
Plus, her dad is paying for our honeymoon.

0

0

Billy woke up one morning and headed downstairs for breakfast. His dad was already there, reading the newspaper. Billy sat down and was about to eat until he thought about something. "Dad, why do we never see Mom in the morning," he inquired. His father lowered the newspaper to reveal a face of pure excitement, answering, "Look under the table, son."

0

0

Boy: Dad, I got expelled from school.
Dad: WHAT?!?! WHY?!
Boy: A kid said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
Dad: So?
Boy: So I threw a dictionary at him.
Dad: That's my boy.

0

0