Dating jokes, Online dating jokes
When I was 14, I wanted a girlfriend.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I wanted a girl with a zest for life.
When I was 19, I found a passionate girl, but she was too emotional, so I wanted a girl with some stability.
When I was 25, I found a stable girl, but she was too boring, so I wanted a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but she lacked direction and was too petty, so I wanted a girl with some ambition.
When I was 31, I found an ambitious girl, but she was so ambitious that she married me, divorced me, and took everything I owned.
Now I am 40, and all I want is a girl with big тiтs.
There are these three girls and their boyfriends all have the same name. So in order to keep them from getting confused, they decided to give their boyfriends nicknames. So they asked the first girl what she called her boyfriend. And she says, “I call my man 7-up.” They ask her,” Why do you call your man that,” and she says,” Because he’s seven inches long and is always up. They ask the second girl what she calls her man. She says,” I call my man Mountain Dew.” They ask,” Why do you call your man that,” and she says,” Because he likes to Mount me and to Do me.” They ask the third girl the same thing and she says, “I like to call my man Jack Daniels.” They look at her puzzled and say,” Why do you call your man that, Jack Daniels is a Hard Liquor,” and she says, “Exactly.”
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter
Vacation.
When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some
Wood.
When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!”
She says, “Well put them here between my legs and that will
Warm them up.”
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes
Back and says again, “Man! My hands are really freezing!”
She says again, “Well put them here between my legs and warm
Them up.”
He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the
Night.
When he returns, he again says, “Honey, my hands are
Really freezing!”
She looks at him and says, “For crying out loud, don’t your
*ears* ever get cold?”
A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mum to come out. While waiting, the little boy gets bored and just when his Mum comes walking out she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin’s skirt..
“Get your hand out of there!” she shouts. “Don’t you know that women have teeth down there?” The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn’t get bitten!
For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.
When he’s 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, “You know, you could go a little further if you want.”
What do you mean?” he asks.
“Well, why don’t you put your hand down there?” she says, pointing to her crotch.
“Неll no,” he cries, “you’ve got teeth down there!”
Don’t be ridiculous,” she responds, “there’s no teeth down there.”
“Yes, there are,” he says, “my Mum told me so.”
“No, there aren’t,” she insists. “Here, look for yourself.” With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.”
“No, I’m sorry”, he says. “My Mum already told me that ALL women have teeth down there.”
“Oh for crying out loud!” she cries. She whips off her раnтiеs, throws her legs behind her head, and says, “LOOK, I DON’T HAVE ANY TEETH DOWN THERE”
The boy takes a good long look and replies, “Well, with the condition of those gums, I’m not surprised!”