Dirty jokes

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"I was watching a great роrn about two people f*cking earlier when suddenly my dad walked in"
"That must have been awkward"
"It was. I didn't even know my dad was a роrn star"

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My diск has it's own jungle, your diск got touched by your uncle

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Two girls on gaming website
Girls: You know we are really good at swallowing swords..
Me: Really? Girls: Yeah we are... I can see your one getting longer ( they liск their lips)
Me: Good at swallowing swords huh? (Pulls out cutlass).
Me: Try swallowing this!

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Dude why did you're mom get a cat. Isn't one рussy good enough

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1, 2
I like you
3, 4
Cum some more
5, 6
Longer dicks
7, 8
Masturbate
9, 10
I cummed again
11, 12
Condom on the shelve
13, 14
Flat-Chest Pre-teen
15, 16
Nudes I've seen
17, 18
Pregnant Teen
19, 20
Oops to many!

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My third planet is misaligned. Can you adjust it for me?

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Ноrny GF- Kiss me in a place I've never been kissed before.
Dumb BF- So like, Canada?

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What's your sign? I hope it's "Yield."

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A baby sitter was baby siting a little girl and the little girl asked the baby sitter if she could take a shower with him the baby sitter said no the girl sayed but its my birthday please. the baby sitter said ok fine they took a showed and the little girl looked down and asked what is that the baby sitter said my monster
Later that night the baby sitter feel asleep and woke up in the hospital and asked what happed and she said I was petting your monster and it bit me so I bite its head off

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A scientific study has recently shown the best form of defence against a rарisт is running away. Apparently men with pants around their ankles can’t run very fast.

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Me: Say "I am a man" after everything I say.
Friend: Alright.
Me: You broke up with your girlfriend.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You decided to get drunк.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You went to the bar.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You found a hot chick there.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You invited her to your house and she said yes.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You both came into your room and had sеx.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: Next morning you wake up.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: And she says...
Friend: I am a man.

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A friend of mine recently got a tattoo, which I thought was really cool because I don't have the guts to do it myself... And I asked her where she got it. And she told me she got it on her vаginа. And I said, 'Why? Why on God's green earth would you do such a thing?' And she said, 'Well, men find it sеxy.' OK, if you're at the point where a man is looking at your nакеd gеniтаls, guess what -- you got the job.

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In some ways, all men are the same. For example, why do you all like to have sеx first thing in the morning? Do we smell good first thing in the morning? 'Cause you don't.

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SON: Hey dad remember when I killed that butterfly and you said no butter for a week
Dad: yeah?
SON: and when I killed that honeybee you said no honey for a week
DAD: And
SON: Yeah, well mum just killed a cockroach should I break it to her?
Dad: ......

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Little boy: *pulls down pants* Whats this?
Dad: Those are your prized jewels. Dont let girls touch them.
Little boy: Okay!
The next day
*little boy comes in shocked*
Dad: What happened?!
Little boy: The little girl from next door tried to feel my jewels so i felt hers
Dad: ...

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Women think that men know how to communicate because when we meet you and start dating you, we talk a lot. Do you want to know why? Because we're trying to sleep with you. That's why. But we use all that up right away. That's why, after a month, we're like, 'Hey, do you like me? Because I'm out of material. Have I said or done anything in the last month that you like? Let me know. I'll say it again.'

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Tried аnаl last night, it’s f*cking shiт!

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A man gets his wallet and walks to the fornt door, his wife sees him and calls,
"Baby where are you going?" he replies,
"A sтriр club with my mates"
She replies
"But baby I can sтriр for you for free"
He replies
"Ok then" the husband goes on his phone and begins texting.
Wife says,
"So are you telling them you aren't coming?"
He shakes his head and replies
"No I am bringing them over here"

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