Dirty jokes

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What meat is a priest allowed to have on Sunday? Nun

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What do women and glasses have in common? You usually have to spend about $100 to get them on your face.

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God gave man a brain and a реnis but only enough blood to use one of them

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I just got the whole alphabet tattooed on to my Diск. Speechless? Let me put a few words in your mouth.

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Kickass if u LOVE dat РUSSУ Lame if u LOVE dat dick

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Tip for giving a great hand job: Use your mouth.

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If this get 1000 kick аss jokes I will rаре my girlfriend. Plz don't kickass this.

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I'm going to Ragnarok your world.

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How do you tell if a chick's too fат to f*ck? When you pull her pants down and her аss is still in them.

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Can’t believe how much money I’ve let slip through my fingers. Just seen a poster saying that they pay $30 for sреrм donations.

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Son:Mum i got suspended today
Mum: Why?!!
Son: It was pajama day at school today
Mum: So?!?!
Son: I sleep naked

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Mum: WHY DID YOU HAVE SЕX WITH THAT ВАSТАRD!
Me: You told me that if a boy touches my воовs, I must say 'don't' and if a boy touches my рussy I must say 'stop'.
Mum: So!
Me: And he touched both at the same time so I said 'Don't Stop'

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Hey ваве, I promise I'll give you more than a two-minute warning. High five!

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What’s worse than waking up with an empty wallet and a sore head?
Waking up with a full wallet and a sore аss.

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Q. What’s the most intelligent thing to come out of a woman’s mouth?
A. Einstein’s c*ck.

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Little girl:how do you spell реnis?
Mom:you should of asked yesterday, it was on the tip of my tongue!

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Why do paedos always have beards and glasses? What is it about that look that children find so sеxy?

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They say you gotta live every day as if it's your last. I don't recommend that. I tried that one time. It was a Wednesday -- I woke up, quit my job, slapped a cop and hit on my girlfriend's mother. Then, Thursday rolled around. Much to my chagrin, found out they don't have no bumper stickers telling you what to do the day after you lived your previous day as if it was the last day of your life.

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