Dirty jokes

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*man gets abducted by aliens*
News reporter: whats these rumours about you getting abducted?
Abducted man: ABDUCTED? I GOT RАРЕD! now i dont mind rаре as long as im the мuтhеr f*cka doing the rарing! THEM E. T's WENT STRAIGHT FOR MY SНIТ-BOX!!!

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Who does the cooking in a lеsвiаn relationship?
Neither of them. The both eat-out.

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( wendy and Burger king having sеx )
Burger king: you like that
Wendy: im loving it!
(burger king stops):wait what did you just say

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Son: Dad, do you ever believe in true justice
Dad: It's a hard question but no, why?
Son: Good because I just rареd a girl

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Boyfriend: Are you a whale?
Because we can humpback at my place.

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The more you flirt
The more I squirt.
The longer it shows
The father it goes
The more fun I have with you
The more i have to pay you.
The one's that are free to play
The longer my awesome day.

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Your house so dirтy the roaches ride around in dune buggies. I came over and one tripped me and a rat stole my wallet. Shit

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The following conversation took place at the supermarket while buying condoms.
Cashier: Do you want a bag for that?
Me: Thanks for the compliment but I think the condoms should be big enough.

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Me: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Sweetie, you can always tell me anything!
Me: You boss is a man-women...
Mom: That should explains her middle leg.

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What is it when a woman talks dirтy to a man? $3.99 a minute.

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Personally, I prefer going down.

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Boy: hey do why they call me bubbles...?
Girl:Why??
Boy:Because everybody loves blowing bubbles.

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I just broke up with this girl, and she was really into sеx games. Like, there was this one she used to like to play all the time -- it was called 'Sleep With My Friend Rob.'

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Let's discuss my raise in your corner office.

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Men are simple. We just want to eat, have sеx -- wouldn't mind eating again.

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Boy: when I say something you say addicted
Girl: ok
Boy: drugs
Girl: addicted
Boy: alcohol
Girl: addicted
Boy: what made your throat so big
Girl: a-diск-did

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I'd like you to look at my DNA.

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Surely, there must be a more dignified way to express your love and admiration for another human being -- like baking them a cake or something, or just leaving them alone for a while.

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