Dirty jokes

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That awkward moment when your parents are out of town and your sitting in your living room in your undiеs watching роrn holding your representative in your right hand pumping it and the remote in your left hand fast forwarding through the роrn video looking for the best scenes and out of nowhere you hear a key going into the slot and about to unlock the front door and you know it's nobody else other than your parents and you start to panic. WТF, you pull up your shorts while trying to turn off the DVD player and the TV and make a dash to the bathroom or your room before the door swings open and your parents catch you. How often did you forget to do one thing during that panic, you might of turned off the TV but not the DVD so if anyone turns on the TV they will see what you were watching etc... etc....
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A son is in his room and the mom comes in and says do you need to shower and he said yeah I need to shower and the Mom says you can shower with me if you don't look up or down as soon as the get in the shower the son looks up and asks the Mom what are those and the Mom answer and says those are headlights then he looks down and asked what's that she says it's the tunnel the next day the dad asked the son do you need to shower the son said yes and the dad said you can shower with me as long as you don't look down as soon as they get in the shower the son looks down and says what's that and the dad says that's a train that night he has a nightmare and asked his head parents if he could sleep with them and the say as long as you don't look under the covers once he gets in the bed the son looks under the covers and says "MOM TURN ON THE HEADLIGHTS THE TRAINS GOING IN THE TUNNEL"
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A guy goes to a whоrеhоusе and tells the madam he only wants to spend 5 bucks. The madam thinks for a bit, then says, “Betsy. She’s down the hall, last door on the left.”
The guy walks down, sees Betsy - she’s not the best looking, but she would do. He puts it in and it’s the worst feeling he’s ever had on his diск - like sandpaper and teeth. He pulls out and tells her. “Um. something’s wrong, can you do something about that?” Betsy crinkles her face, then says, “Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks.” She pockets the fiver and goes to the bathroom and is back in no time.
The guy puts it back in and now, it’s the complete opposite: it’s the best feeling he’s ever had, and finishes in a flash. Panting, he asks her, “oh my god… that felt amazing… what did you do??” Betsy smiles, and says, “for the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs
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