Dirty jokes

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My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his вrа again.

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Ur such a sluт people call u a bowling ball, u get fingered thrin diwn the lane and come back for more

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Do you know that every one who post on her is flippin under the age of 15 ( like me ) mof

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The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's аss and wait.

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The reason I'm so fат is because every time I f*cked your mum she gave me a cookie

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Why didn't Ken and Barbie have kids?
Ken came in a different box.

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I was married at one time -- which is not the same as having sеx, but an incredible simulation.

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There are two types of people in the world: there are those who have lots of casual sеx with strangers -- and there's jealous people.

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I’ve just put some holes in my dad’s condoms. I really need some help doing the dishes.

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My diск died the other day, can i burry it in your аss today

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What do prostitutes and vacuums have in common?
The both suск.

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2 boys turn up late for class Teacher:Why are you late?!
Boys:Sorry we were starting our daily shave.
Girl comes in late.
Teacher:And why are u late?! Girl:I was getting shaved.
Girl winks at boys.
Teacher:Holy Shiт!

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If Dora was a lеsвiаn, she would be called, 'DORA the EXPLORE-HER'

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- Roses are Red - Yoda is green - My lightsaber needs two hands if you know what I mean.

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I was waiting for my period last week 'cause it was late, and I got so nervous. Although, let me just share right now -- I had nothing to worry about, if you get what I mean. But I was totally nervous 'cause you know how we ladies get. And of course, I get all anxious, and then I start thinking, 'Well, maybe I am having the Lord's child?'

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I like my women the way I like my coffee, hot wet and filled with cream.

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I went to hospital last night after breaking my left arm and the doctor told me I had to stop jerking off. I said “Why? What’s that got to do with anything?” he said “We’ve been having complaints about you from the other patients”.

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Mom (in shower): Ugh Ugh ohhh ya...
Me(on other side of door wanking): Oh god I'MA BLAST
Mom: what?
Me: Nothing just playing some games
Mom: Can you give me a towel I left it in my room.
Me: k
Mom: opens door
Me: passes towel with out looking
Mom: Walks out woth towel on
Me: BOO!
Mom: *drops towel*
Me: *beats meat*

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