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Dad ,"how are you doing today?" Me,"fine fa... I mean pop." Dad,"I'm dad."
Me,"okay mad dad!"
Dad,"IT'S DAD!!!"
Me,"РООР!!!"
Both",stop yelling!"

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Do me or do not; there is no try.

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Bully: your gay
Me: that's funny because your mom thought diffirently last night

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Texting some girl.
Me:Hey whats up?
Girl:Nothin what about you?
Me:Textin' the most beautiful girl ever!
Girl:Aaaw how cute!
Me:Yea she didnt reply so im texting you LMAO
Girl:FFFUUUUUUUUU

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I know I'm getting older because the things that turn me on have changed. Like, just a few years ago, know what turned me on? Hot Latino men turned me on. Know what turns me on now? You know what turns me on now? People who act reasonably towards me.

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A five year old nакеd boy is standing on top of a five year old nакеd girl.
The boy says,
" Ok, we both got nакеd and i got on top of you, now when does it start to feel good?"
The girl replies,
"I don't know, but i already have a headache."

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My Friend: Did you know a sсrеw and the wall can have sеx.
Me: No?
My friend: Yeah it can because my sсrеw went threw the wall and the wall was your mom!
Me: Tell that too you sister!
My friend: I Dont have a sister!?!
Me: You will in 3 mounths.
Classroom:OHHHH!
Teacher: Shut up every one! This is reading class no one should be talking
Me: Ok shut up!
Classroom:OHHHH!
Teacher: Principle now.
Me: Principle isnt in here dumbie.
Teacher: Ok smart guy whats 9+10?
Me: 3 babys and some сuм left over.
Teacher: Ok im calling your parents!
Me: You cant there making a dog.
Teacher: How the FUСК can they MAKE a dog.
Me: You just said it.
*Teacher storms out the room*
Bully: Man you got to have no ваlls to do that.
Me: I know you'll find the answer for that in a few days
*Bullys phone rings*
Bully: Hello. YOUR PREGNATE!
Me: Never mind you'll find out now.
Thx for reading this give me a kickass for how long this was!
By the way give me a kickass for a free asian chick!

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I walked in on my best friend маsтurватing on her period last night. Let’s just say she was caught red handed.

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Girl: Push it harder!
Boy:It's stuck!
*Mum walks into room*
Mum:What are you kids doing?
Boy and Girl: We got the window stuck.

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Babies are neat, but raising a good kid -- that deserves a medal. Instead of baby announcements like, 'We're proud to announce the arrival of an eight-pound boy,' wait 20 years 'til you're really proud to announce, 'Our 180-pound boy is finally out of the house. He's drug-free, НIV-negative, and hasn't knocked anyone up yet. We're proud.'

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Why do Asians eat cats before sеx?, because when you got a little diск you got to eat the рussy first.

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Managed to get a hand job yesterday. I now work for Argos modelling watches.

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A little boy pulled down his pants and asked his dad, "Is this my Vаginа?"
Yes
A little girl pulled down his pants and asked her mom, " Is this my Реnis"
Yes
Next Day, They Were Learning About Private Parts.
Boy said a boy has a Vagina
Girl said a girl has a Penis
Teacher said "no"
Boy has a реnis and a girl has a vаginа.
They pulled down their pants and Figured out.

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If this gets 1000 kickass votes I will put a вlоw up doll on my dad's bed.

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Father: Son you got a D
Son: So
Father: It means you should try harder
Son: at what
Father: Well you think, you got a f*cking D!!!
Son: Yeah I got a D, and my girlfriend loves it
Father: WHAT!!!!!

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Use The Force Luke, I've Run Out Of Lubricant.

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Just spent the past 2 hours on the toilet… I’m getting too old for this shiт.

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My love for you is like a fаrт. Everything about it is powered by my heart.

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