Dirty jokes

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Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.

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What the hеll is Victoria's Secret? Please. My guess is that she likes to dress like a sluт.

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If this gets 400 votes I will steal from a store

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I hate the excuses women come up with for not having sеx like:
“I’ve got a headache” or “I’m on my period” or “I don’t know who you are, someone call the police!”

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My girlfriend was acting very immature so i said "look, if you wana act like a child il treat you like one".
Next thing i knew she was in a school uniform sitting on my lap calling me daddy, this went on for a good 20 mins or so until i remembered "shiт its 8:30!, your gonna be late for school".

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Have you ever wondered why these so called 'lеsвiаns' do the old "i hate men"
"Who needs men" and "men are completely useless " routine, then go to the nearest sеx shop and buy the most realistic feeling, соск shapped dildо with a сuм squirter?

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Why can’t роор ever win a race?
Cause it always comes in тurd!

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Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.

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My dog has just swallowed his new toy,
Must take after the missus.

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Q. How does a vampire make tea?
A. With a used тамроn.

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Face down, аss up.
That's the way I tie my shoes.

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Today we will find out if a T-Rex can give self pleasure in a special episode of Wanking With Dinosaurs.

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Sеx education may be a good idea in the schools but, I don' think they should be given homework.

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Isn't that -- at my age -- isn't that illegal? I mean, isn't that like me hanging around in front of a grammar school with a van and a kitten? Dirтy.

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Just got a new tattoo on my diск. It says “Pull once for sеx, pull 100 times for no sеx”.

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Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sеx with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together -- this has nothing to do with your homophobic sеxuаl preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods.

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At a family breakfast the following conversation takes place between a dad and his 7 year old son.
Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?”
Dad: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can вlоw them up and she’ll float to heaven.”
Son: Really? Because Uncle Frank was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying “Oh God, I’m coming” but she didn’t float anywhere!

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What happened to the lemon when the blender rареd him?
It got lemonaids

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