Dirty jokes

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Teacher: Johnny what is one thing you want to do before you graduate and go off to college?
Johnny: Oh Fuск You!
Teacher: I would say sure meet me at 6 but, I really don't want to get some type of STD.

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Girl: fuск you
You: we do that later ok im busy

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I guess you're all wondering, 'What did you do, Pam, before you were a stand-up?' I was a sluт.

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We can get as crudite as you want, baby.

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I'm in a relationship right now, you know, crossing my fingers. The relationship is great; the sеx is great. My friends said, 'Whoa, you've had sеx out of wedlock?' I said, 'Oh no, she's married.'

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I'll have sеx with Tane if this get 1000 kickass hits

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I haven’t had sеx in so long, the other day I opened up a can of tuna and got a hard on.

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I called my boss this morning and asked him "What's the difference between work and your wife"
He says "What?"
I said "I'm not coming into work today"

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Yo momma is like a video game. You pay once and play her for life.

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A lot of people that are adopted are insecure because they feel like they weren't wanted. But that's сrар, you know, 'cause a lot of people were complete accidents that are only here because of alcohol and prom night and, possibly, Oasis.

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Girl: Mom, what's the difference between sеx and rаре?
Mom: Well, sеx is when both couples like having it, while rаре is when only one is enjoying it and the other is feeling like it's a nightmare.
Girl: Well, then I think dad is rарing you, cuz I hear you saying 'stop it' all the time to him.
Mom: ...

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You guys have it so easy. You don't shave: it's sеxy, it's a turn-on. We don't shave: it's birth control.

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They say that when a women hits you it's her way of flirting. I just grabbed this girls аss and she flirted me square in the ваlls.

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I saw a Thai girl on the train earlier today and I kept thinking to myself, don’t get an еrестiоn, don’t get an еrестiоn, don’t get an еrестiоn, but then she did.

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Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance. Long story short, my girlfriend said no.

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What does Mr Kipling like to do in his spare time?
Fill tarts with cream.

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My doctor told me last week that I don’t eat enough vegetables so I’ve now started dating a girl who has down syndrome.

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Friend:u home me: yea watching the game friend: good i'm comin over and i'm bringing cold hermaphrodites with me
Me: uh... No thanks bro
Friend: hermaphrodites!
Heineken! Jesus crust
Christ!
Me: lol ill unlock the door u freak

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