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Dirty jokes

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What two words clear out a men's bathroom quicker than anything else?
Nice dick
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Kickass 30 times i will go around huмрing people.
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Don’t you just hate it when you sleep with a girl and she forgets who you are and keeps screaming another guys name. Who the hеll is “Rayp” and what country does this name come from?
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It would be a lot easier to be a hard worker if my boss didn’t keep blocking роrn websites.
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My mom's a sеx therapist. On Take Your Daughter to Work Day, I hooked up with two guys.
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I had sеx with a Japanese man once. It was great. He made me origami three times.
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When I was younger I used to think I was gаy but then I found out that playing with yourself doesn’t count.
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Once that baby hits, you go from being lovers to teammates. It's like, 'Feed her. Pass her. Burp her. Pass her. Clean her. Pass her. Diaper. Pass her.' At the end of the night, we're too tired for sеx. We just fall into bed and high five:
'Way to burp her.'
'Nice wipe.'
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I'm in London -- I'm in Piccadilly Circus -- and I feel this guy grab my knapsack. I turn around, and he's like, 'Oop! You caught me. I'm a pickpocket. Can I buy you a drink?' So, I had sеx with him.
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New condoms that change colour when they come in contact with STDs sound brilliant, All except for the part that it's likely that people with STDs don't use condoms.
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Look, I'm not say she a hое, but she's like a pool table. . For twenty-five cents she'll rack your ваlls.
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The following conversation took place between a couple at the cinema.
Girlfriend: I think the guy next to me is jerking off.
Boyfriend: Just ignore him.
Girlfriend: I can’t.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: He’s using my hand.
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Teacher: Jimmy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Jimmy: A lumberjack.
Teacher: Why?
Jimmy: So I can whack my wood all day long.
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After having failed his exam, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student:
“Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor:
“Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student:
“Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an “A” for the Exam.”
Professor:
“Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”
Student:
“What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers:
“Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 17 Year old lover, which is logical but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical.”
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I knew my parents had sеx. I just didn't think they liked it.
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Friend: My diск is so big that it goes from a to z!
You: Yea! Just look at your keyboard.
Friend: O. O
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3 reasons why women undress themselves in front of men.
1. She really wants your D.
2. You’re in row Z of the friend zone.
3. She hasn’t seen you hiding in the tree.
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I love to share things with people who don’t have what I’ve got. I think that’s why I love sеx with women so much.
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