Dirty jokes

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I love the movies. They finally built one of those stadium-seat роrn theaters by my house. So, bring a hat.

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Me and my girl have a new sеx position we do called sushi. She just lays there and I spray her with soy sauce.

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Are you busy tonight at around 3 a. M.?

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They say nice guys finish last.
Thats because we make sure she finishes first

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Q. What’s the difference between a pornstar and an undertaker?
A. An undertaker is usually fully dressed when he sees a stiff.

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What do coffee beans and woman have in common?
They’re both useless until their wet.

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To a woman, sеxuаl harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. Now, if a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.

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Me- You wanna hear a joke.
Jake- Sure
Me- Pussy
Jake- I don't get it.
Me- HA! You just said you don't get рussy. HAHAHAHA
Ryan-Hahaha! Jake doesn't get рussy! HAHAHAHA

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Our greatest weapon against teen pregnancy is instilling in our children a sense of self-loathing because we have an epidemic of young Americans who see their nакеd bodies and don't know it's the work of Sатаn.

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Met a really cool 13 year old on-line the other day, she’s funny and really attractive. I suggested we meet up for a drink and then she told me she has a job as a private detective. Got to be the coolest 13 year old ever.

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Someone asked me,'In the scale of 1 to 100, how dirтy are you?' I replied, '69'.

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I tried posting the joke "diск" on this site, the site said it wasn't long enough

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When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!

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Something happens to your innocence when you get to be 30. You've had sеx. You've done it a million times because that's just the kind of gal you are: do it 'til you can't walk, and feel good about it. But then something happens. Then you meet the greatest guy in the world. This guy is sweet. He's kind. He's the guy you've waited for -- well, not exactly waited -- this is the guy you've practiced for.

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He actually said this to me; he's like, 'Hey man, you got to be careful. There's a lot of women that have an Asian fetish.'
'Well, what do you mean?'
'They'll have sеx with you just 'cause you're Asian. Aren't you offended?' Uh, I'll be offended after my оrgаsм.

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Mail order brides -- yes, where economic imperialism meets low self-esteem. That's great. Just the thought that someone might mate with you because it can't be as bad as monsoon season is kind of appealing.

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We all know that every man's fantasy is to have a тhrееsоме. That's every guy's fantasy. Yeah, great -- instead of one woman I can't satisfy, now I have two.

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I'm just hanging out, minding my own business. He yells from across the room something he thinks is funny. He's like, 'What's the matter, Megan? You don't have any children because your husband's got a low sреrм count?'... I was like, 'I don't know -- doesn't taste like it.'

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