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Dirty jokes

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Q. What do sеx and art have in common?
A. Most of it is shiт and all the good stuff is way too expensive.
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Would you like to test my tensile strength?
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If she eats her french fries with a fork, she's not gonna do that thing you like.
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Roses are red sometimes thorny when I think of you it makes me hоrny.
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Easy way to tell if she wants it. Text her and say "wanna ваng?" Wait for reply and if she gets mad just say "oh my gosh it was supposed to say hang"
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Q:what does a girls underwear and nailpolish come off with
A:alchohol
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My unit would like to explore your crater.
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I did your mom... A favor and made you... A sandwich!
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A man is hitch-hiking and picked up by a driver. While their in the car they start talking and having a conversation. First they're just talking. Then they start disagreeing. Then they start getting a little defensive. Then they start arguing. Then they start yelling at each other and cussing at each other. Finally the driver says "That's it get the hеll out my car". The hitch-hiker gets out and slams the door shut the driver starts driving at about 25 mph and notices the hitch-hiker is running next to the car with a furious look on his face ваnging on the window. The driver gets mad and speeds up to about 50 mph and notices the guy is still running right next to the car ваnging on the window. So the guy says "that's it I'm getting rid of this guy" and speeds up to 100 mph and the guy is still running right next to him yelling "pull over!". Finally the guy pulls over and says "Man you sure can run fast" and the hitch-hiker responds with "Well, you could too if your diск was stuck in the door."
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
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Can’t believe I’ve been banned from Walmart. Apparently when the checkout girl said “sтriр down facing me” she was talking about my credit card.
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I got caught licking ice cream from my girlfriends вrеаsтs the other day. I don’t know who was more embarrassed me or the staff at McDonalds.
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Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
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Baby, let's configure our hard drives in master and slаvе position.
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I'd work overtime to reach synergy with you.
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Just been arrested after hosting a dinner party. Apparently jеrк chicken isn’t supposed to contain any воdily fluids.
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Q. How did Pinocchio die?
A. He was маsтurватing and he caught fire.
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What do you say when you catch a girl fingеring herself on her periods ?
I caught you red-handed
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