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A woman goes to an accountant to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I need to ask a few questions. What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whоrе."
The accountant says, "No, no, no. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman replies, "OK, I'm a рrоsтiтuте."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a рrоsтiтuте?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 c**ks last year."
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Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sеx, I've got nothing left to believe in."
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Pinocchio and Raggedy Ann Schneewittchen trifft Pinocchio Πινόκιο Τι λέει η χιονάτη στο πινόκιο ενώ κάθεται στην μύτη του; Срещнала Марийка Понокио и започнала да го моли: На някои девойки им харесваше ¿Qué le dice Caperucita Roja a Pinocho mientras están haciendo un 69?. - Зошто Снежана била избркана од Дизни? Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face? A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!" Idzie Czerwony Kapturek przez las i widzi Pinokia. Łapie go za szmaty Snövit har fått sparken från Disney - Varför fick Snövit sparken från Disney? - Dom hittade henne över Pinocchios näsa Rotkäppchen hüpft durch den Wald und ist total geil.Da sieht sie Pinoccio durch den Wald gehen. Plötzlich stürmt sie auf ihn los - Бреши! - Кричала Мальвіна Blanche Neige a été virée de Disneyland... Motif invoqué par la Direction :  'S'est mise assise sur le nez de Pinocchio et lui a demandé de dire des mensonges' Некоторым девочкам нравилось Деяким дівчатам подобалося La fata turchina sta facendo il bagno nella vasca. – Pinocchio portami una saponetta ! – grida non trovandola. Pinocchio scivola e cade nella vasca con la faccia davanti alla figa della fata. La... Geht Rotkäppchen dir den Wald und ist so richtig geil. Trifft sie Ponocchio Biancaneve è stata cacciata dal regno delle favole...è stata pizzicata davanti al naso di pinocchio..nuda...dicendo: "nega bastardo nega!!!"
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and told him to lie.
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Waarop Jantje antwoord: "Drin-king Teacher: Name three Kings of England who greatly transformed the country and made it a better place to live. Student: Drin-king Tijdens de engelse les vraagt de juffrouw The teacher asks a student: - Can you tell me the names of three great kings who has brought happiness and peace into peoples lifes? Student says: - Drin-King
Teacher: can anyone name three Kings that brought happiness and peace to earth?
Student: drin-king, smo-king, and fuс-king!
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Girl - Baby i'm wet.
Boy - Want a paper towel?
Girl - No, i want more then that ;)
Boy - Want 2 paper towels?
Girl - No, baby i want something big and round
Boy - Dамn you want the whole roll?
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Son: Dad do you remember your first вlоwjов?
Dad: Ohhh yeah I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
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If one drop of sемеn contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suск соск?
Oh wait... Twilight
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Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see a nакеd women, then one of the boys run away. The other chases after him. The boy asked:
"Why did u run away?"
"My mom told me if i saw a nакеd women i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."
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Das Kaninchen Малко момиченце в зоомагазин: Kommt ein kleines Mädchen in ein Zoogeschäft und sagt: "Ich hätte gern ein Kaninchen". Der Verkäufer sagt: "Möchtest du denn das kleine braune mit den niedlichen Knopfaugen oder das kuschelige... Een klein meisje gaat naar een dierenwinkel en vraagt aan de verkoper: "Heeft u soms een konijntje a.u.b.?" De verkoper zet zich op zijn knieën en vraagt: "Moet dat een lief klein bruin konijntje... Ein kleines Mädchen kommt in die Tierhandlung und sagt zum Verkäufer: „Ich möchte bitte ein Häschen haben!“ Darauf der Verkäufer: „Gern! Willst du das süße knuddelige weiße mit den Knopfaugen oder... Una ragazzina entra in un negozio di animali domestici. La commessa: “Ciao
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
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A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road.
The wife gets out and brings it back to the car.
"We need to take it to a vet. Its shivering, it must be cold, what should I do?" she asks.
Husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm."
"But it stinks!" she exclaims.
"So hold its nose!"
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A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus.
When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, Mom, down underneath."
His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
The father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda.
As soon as she left, the boy repeated his question.
The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's реnis."
"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
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Το πλυντήριο Papa und Mama haben sich zum Austausch gewisser Nachrichten einen Code ausgedacht Иванчо и Марийка решили да правят любов. Das junge Paar unterhält sich auf einer Party
Husband and wife decide to make a password for s*x, they decide on 'washing machine'.
Later in bed that night husband says, "Washing machine."
Wife replies, "Not tonight darling I have a sore head."
Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says, "Washing machine."
Husband replies, "To late it was only a small load so I decided to do it by hand."
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На заболекарсия стол жена на ревнивец! Седи жена на заболекарски стол со отворена уста Сижу у стоматолога. Звонит телефон. Смотрю - любимый. Попросила врача ответить. Он берет трубку и спокойно так: - Алло? Извините
Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing.
Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone рissеd:
What’s up?
What’s up?, - some man asks.
Dentist:
Who are you?
I’m Monica’s husband
Dentist:
Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!
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Six Shots of Jagermeister
A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?" The man replies , "First blоwjob!"
The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this ones on me."
The man then says , "Man if six shots cant get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"
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One day a tiny Apache indian child walked into Big Chief Sitting Bull's Teepee.
"Sitting Bull," He asked,
"Why does every man in our tribe have such long, complicated names?"
"Well," says Sitting Bull,
"Its simple.Whenever a baby in this tribe is born, His Father wanders outside, absorbs the wonder of nature and then names his child on the first thing he sees. Why do you ask, Two dogs fuскing?"
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Ben asks his new girlfriend for a hand job.
"Ive never done that" she says, "what do I do ?"
"Well" replies Ben, "remember when you were a kid and you'd shake a coke bottle and spray your brother with it ... that's what you do."
She nods, so he pulls his manhood out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.
A minute later, he has tears running down his face, snot flowing from his nose and wax flying from his ears.
She asks 'Whats wrong ?'
Ben cries "TAKE YOUR FUСКING THUMB OFF THE END!"
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Екстра-големи кондоми Extra-Large Condoms Огромен презерватив и блондинка Младо момиче влезнало в аптека и попитало продавача: A woman walks into a chemist’s and asks if they sell extra-large condoms. The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms Kommt eine Frau in eine Apotheke und erkundigt sich nach Kondomen in Übergröße. Der Apotheker will wissen Una mujer muy ansiosa llega a una farmacia y pregunta: - ¿Usted vende condones extra largos? - Si Una donna entra in farmacia e chiede se hanno dei preservativi formato extra-large. Il farmacista le risponde prontamente: - “Certo che ne abbiamo! Ne vuole una scatola?” - “No... ma le... Intră o fată drăguţă la farmacie şi întreabă: - Aveţi prezervative foarte mari de vânzare? - Desigur că avem Młoda dziewczyna pyta w aptece: - Czy są duże prezerwatywy? - Tak
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do.
Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
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At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a реnis in their countries.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.
The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.
With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth…
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