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Две моряшки жени си говорят и едната пита: Entre amies : Jautājums francūzietei: - Vai jūs seksa laikā sarunājaties ar vīru? - Protams
A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sеx ?"
His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."
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Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together
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Priests and Christmas Trees Στολίδια Ποιά η ομοιότητα ανάμεσα σε έναν γέρο και στο Χριστουγεννιάτικο δέντρο; Τα μπαλάκια По какво си приличат свещеника и коледното дърво? Quelle est la différence entre un curé et un arbre de Noël ? Quelle est la différence entre un curé et un sapin de Noël ? Aucune: dans les deux cas les boules servent uniquement à décorer. ou bien Les boules du sapin servent au moins une fois dans l'année ! How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only. Hvad er ligheden imellem et juletræ og en steriliseret mand? - Kuglerne hænger kun til pynt Hvad er ligheden på en munk og et juletræ? - Kuglene er kun til pynt. Wat is de overeenkomst tussen de paus en een kerstboom? Bij allebei hangen de ballen er voor de sier! - Mi a közös a pap és a karácsonyfa között? - ???? - Mind a kettőn díszek a golyók. Qual a semelhança entre uma Árvore de Natal e um padre? As bolas são só de enfeite! Le sapin de noël et le curé Quelle est la différence entre un sapin de noël et un curé? Dans les deux cas les boules sont là que pour faire joli What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both have balls just for decoration.
A willy is like a tree in your 20's its like a rock hard oak.
In your 30's & 40's its like a birch tree, flexible but reliable.
After your 50's its like a xmas tree, dead from the roots up & the ваlls are just there for decoration.
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A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins.
Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sеx. So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband. ''OK, honey,'' he says, ''this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom.'' The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees.
So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed. The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous еrестiоn. The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other. But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife — right into the dresser. He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain.
The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him. His throbbing diск is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, ''Doc, doc, how bad is it?''
''That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob.''
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Why do smurfs laugh as they walk through the forest?
Because the grass tickles their ваlls!
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Did you hear about the theft at the Viаgrа factory?
The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
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There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.”
She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company.
In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?”
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!”
So the woman asked, “Is this a record?”
To which the man replied, “No, its average!”
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Vater und Mutter sitzen im Wohnzimmer und sehen fern. Plötzlich ein Brummen. Mutter geht nachsehen: Liegt die Tochter auf dem Bett und vergnügt sich mit dem Vibrator. Mutter entsetzt: Баща намира вибратора на дъщеря си O gaúcho entrou sem bater no quarto de sua filha de 17 anos O gáucho chega em casa e pega a filha com as pernas abertas e com um imenso vibrador de uns 28cm. Pasmo Ο πατέρας "πιάνει" την κόρη του στο κρεβάτι να "παίζει" μ ένα δονητή. Έξαλλος τη σπάει στο ξύλο Randa tėvas dukros stalčiuje vibratorių
Man comes home to find his 17 yr old daughter with a dildо up her.
"What are you doing," he shouts.
"Well you won't let me have a boyfriend so this is my substitute," she explains.
The next night the daughter comes home to find her dad with a dildо up his arse
drinking a can of вееr, "What are you doing," she shouts.
He replays, "Having a вееr with your boyfriend."
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One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the вuм and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the вrеаsт.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the реnis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
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Зафркавање Прашања Conversación entre camello y el elefante Möpse auf dem Rücken Ελέφαντας και καμήλα Ελέφαντας vs Καμήλα Η καμήλα και ο ελέφαντας Слонът пита камилата: Elephant asks a camel:''why do you have two boobs on your back?" Treffen sich ein Kamel und ein Elefant in der Wüste sagte der Elefant: Treffen sich ein Elefant und ein Kamel. Sagt der Elefant zum Kamel: Un éléphant à un chameau : Un elefante pregunta a un camello Слон подходит к верблюду и спрашивает его. - Верблюд En elefant och kamel träffas: - Varför har du brösten på ryggen? undra elefanten. - Ska du säga som har snoppen i ansiktet! Un chameau et un éléphant se rencontrent pour la première fois : L'éléphant De olifant vraag aan de kameel: "Waarom staan uw tetten op uw rug?" De kameel antwoordt: "Dat vind ik een stomme vraag als ge rondloopt met een lul op uw bakkes!" De var en kamel och en elefant. Elefanten sa till kamelen: - Varför har du dina bröst på ryggen? Då sa kamelen: - Ska du säga som har snoppen i ansiktet. Elefanten till kamelen: – Varför har du tuttarna på ryggen? – Ska du säga som har snoppen mitt i ansiktet. Vet du vad elefanten sa till kamelen? - Varför har du brösten på ryggen? Vad sa kamelen till elefanten då? - Varför har du snoppen i ansiktet? Een olifant komt een kameel tegen en vraagt “Waarom heb jij borsten op je rug?” Zegt de kameel “Wat een aparte vraag voor iemand die een lul aan zijn gezicht heeft hangen.” Rolando a maior festa na selva Слон верблюдові: "Ха-ха Een olifant en een kameel komen elkaar tegen. Vraagt de olifiant aan de kameel: "Waarom heb jij je borsten op je rug?" "Wat een rare vraag" Hvad sagde næsehornet til elefanten? hvorfor har du to patter på ryggen? Hvad sagde kamelen til elefant? hvorfor har du en pik i panden? dickhead! Elefanten og Kamelen Elefanten spurgte kamelen: - Hvorfor sidder dine patter egentligt på maven? Så svarede kamelen: - HAH! Og sådan et spørgsmål skulle komme fra en Kameli ja norsu tapasivat. Norsu kysyi: miksi ihmeessä sinulla on tissit selässä? Kameli vastasi: tyhmä kysymys sellaiselta Un elefante chiede ad una cammella: - Perché hai le tette sulla schiena? - Senti che cazzo di domande fa uno che ha il pisello in faccia. Treffen sich ein Elefant und ein Kamel in der Wüste. Sagt der Elefant: Det var en kamel og en elefant som sto og snakket sammen Kamel zum Elefant: "Wieso hast du einen Pimmel im Gesicht?" Elefant sagt darauf: "Das muss mich jemand fragen Az elefánt kérdezi a két púpú tevétől: - Miért a hátadon hordod a melleidet? - Hmm Een olifant en een kameel lopen door de woestijn Er lopen een kameel en een olifant in de woestijn. Zegt de olifant tegen de kameel; "wat zie jij er gek uit met die tieten op je rug". Zegt de kameel tegen de olifant; "Ach kijk toch naar jezelf... Er was eens een kameel en een olifant toen zee de olifant is het leuk met je borsten op je rug en toen zee de kameel gij moet niks zegen met u Piemel op u hoofd
Their was a camel and elephant, the elephant said to the camel.
"How come you have your тiтs on your back?" and the camel got offended so he told the elephant.
"Well why do you have your diск on your face?"
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A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"
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A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shаgging his gran!
Johnny just looks at him and says "not so funny when its your mum is it ?"
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Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gаy guys can play star wars.
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What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster?
10% off for bringing your own сrавs.
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What does tightrope walking and getting a вlоwjов from Grandma have in common?
You don't look down.
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Two guys always catch the train to work together; one is French, the other Italian.
Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!"
He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?"
The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day.
The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!"
Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"
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Анестезиолог The Doctor's Convention Von Beruf Anästhesist но отдыхе он и она толком не успели познакомиться Двама били заедно Ο καταδρομέας.. Un homme et une femme se rencontrent dans un bar. Ils discutent un peu et puis comme cela arrive dans la vie Срещат се двама в бара A guy and a girl met at a bar. Утро. Южный приморский город. Курортный роман. Интеллигентная пара (за 40) проснувшись Une femme et un homme font l'amour. Après l'acte sexuel C'est un séminaire médical. Au cours d'un des nombreux banquets prévus De båda läkarna hade träffats på en kongress. Han var från Göteborg och hon var från Stockholm. De åt middag tillsammans och fortsatte i baren för att avsluta kvällen på hans hotellrum och i hans... W czasie stosunku siostra dyżurna mówi do lekarza dyżurnego: - Panie doktorze Buen dentista Un chico y una chica se encuentran en un bar. Se llevan tan bien que deciden ir a un lugar más privado Two doctors are having s*x De mødte hinanden på en bar og vågnede op i samme seng. Jeg ved hvad du laver sagde pigen Due medici dopo un congresso scopano a letto. Alla fine lui dice: “Dall’abilita’ delle tue mani scommetto che sei ginecologa!”. Lei: “E tu anestesista!”. “Ma come fai a dirlo?”. Lei: “Non ho... Despues de hacer el amor ella le pregunta a el: - Papi tu eres anesteciologo?- El sorprendido dice: - Si Efter sexualakten säger söta Sara: - Du Klas. Är du narkosläkare eller....? Klas: - Nej Un couple a fait l'amour pour la première fois. Après tout ça Nākamajā rītā pēc pirmās nakts. Viņa: ?Kāda īsti ir tava profesija?? Viņš: ?Anesteziologs.? Viņa: ?Tagad skaidrs Σε ένα συνέδριο γιατρών ένας άντρας και μια γυναίκα κοιτάζονται επίμονα. Ο άντρας της προτείνει να πάνε για δείπνο και αυτή δέχεται. Στο εστιατόριο αυτή ζητάει συγγνώμη και πηγαίνει να πλύνει τα...
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.
The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist”
The guy, surprised, says “Yes…how did you figure that out?”
The girl says, “Easy… you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they were done, the girl says, “You must be a great dentist.”
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?”
The girl says, “Easy… I didn’t feel a thing!”
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Two nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them.
The first nun has a sтrоке.
The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
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