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China lets Chuck Norris search for роrn on Google.
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What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea?
"Look I found deep nuts."
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What do Blondes say after sеx? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
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At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sеx education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sеx education on TV.
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. “Great,” said the teacher, “that's very important.
” Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. “Well, that has to do with it too,” said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, “Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sеx education.” “Yes it does,” said Johnny, ” it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne.”
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Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
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Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an altar boy!
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A young man walks into a bar and orders a Kamikaze.
As soon as he is severed he slams it down.
And before the bartender can walk away he calls out I need a shot of Tequila.
So the bat tender pours the tequila.
And no sooner than he is server he slam it back and then the young man asks for a shot of Gin.
The bar tender compiles with the request, and out of curiosity asks the young man are you celebrating?
The young man nods, and says quietly mt first вlоw job.
The bartender smiles and says I remember my first.
The young man looks up and says so how did you get rid of that taste?
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When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?"
But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
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Two friends talk:
"Hi, what are you doing?"
"Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card."
"Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?"
"No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
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Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday.
Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles.
At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.
Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin".
BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs:
"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are sсrеwing a pumpkin?'
He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said,
'A pumpkin? Dамn...is it midnight already?'"
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В бар седи страхотна мадама и си пие питието. Phil Eine junge Frau saß in einer Bar und genoss Ihren Afterwork-Cocktail mit ihren Freundinnen Трпана седи на шанк и ужива во коктелот
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.”
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets.
He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
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Глумење Weshalb täuschen Frauen Orgasmen vor? ¿Por qué las mujeres fingen el orgasmo?. Защо жените имитират оргазъм? Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay. Не понимаю Pourquoi les femmes simulent l'orgasme ? - Parce que les hommes simulent les préliminaires. ou - Parce que c'est toujours triste de voir un homme qui pleure ou - Parce que comme ça le mec éjacule... Por que muitas mulheres fingem o orgasmo? Porque muitos homens fingem as preliminares ... Hvorfor simulerer kvinder orgasme? – Fordi mænd simulerer forspil Po co kobiety udają orgazm? - Bo myślą że to facetów obchodzi. — Чому 50% жінок симулюють оргазм? — Вони думають Miksi naiset teeskentelevät orgasmeja? - Siksi - De ce simuleaza femeile orgasmul? - Ele cred ca barbatilor chiar le pasa. Stiti de ce unele femei mimeaza orgasmul? ................ Pentru ca si unii barbati mimeaza preludiul. Varför fejkar så många kvinnor sin orgasm? - För att så många män fejkar förspelet. "Waarom doen veel vrouwen net alsof ze een orgasme hebben gehad? Omdat mannen net doen alsof ze een voorspel hebben gehad." Dlaczego tak dużo kobiet ma udawany orgazm? - Dla tego Warum täuschen einige Frauen den Orgasmus vor? Weil sie denken
Why do women fake оrgаsмs?
Because they think men care.
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The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus,
but you're too shy to start маsтurватing in front of everyone...
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How can you tell if your house was built by lеsвiаn carpenters?
All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.
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Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viаgrа?
A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.
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There was three girls and they all had boyfriends and separate rooms.
The mom walked by all the rooms.
The first room she hears laughing, the second room she heard screaming and the third was totally quiet.
The mom was suspicious, so she asked the third girl why was she so quiet she replied, "My boyfriend said not to talk with my mouth full."
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My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinаl to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot вiggеr than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."...
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