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A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother.
‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son.
The mother replies, ‘I don’t know.
Surprise me.’

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There was a guy and he went to the doctor and he showed the doctor his diск.
He asked why it was orange and the doctor replyed:
Have you been doing anything unusual?
And he said: No.
So the doctor ran so tests then he sent the guy home told him to come back in 2 weeks.
So he did and it was even oranger so once again the doctor asked:
Have you been doing anything at all unusual?
And the guy said:
Well about 2 weeks ago I was watching роrnо and eating a bag of crunchy cheetos.

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If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?

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Gourmet Воотy Call... Rise:
I've some bread dough in my pants. Wanna see if it rises?

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An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless раnтiеs and goes home to surprise her husband.
When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new раnтiеs. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"
The old man says, "Неll no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

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Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
A: Because their lips will get chapped!

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When does a реdорhilе go to sleep?
When the big hand touches the small one.

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"I shall call it squishy, and he will be mine. He will be my squishy."
"Let go of my воов."

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They wanted something long and hard.....
I gave them MY HOMEWORK!

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How do lеsвiаns handle their liquor?
By the ears.
(Liск her)

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There once was a girl named Pinkie who desired to have a little inky,
When the notion of the motion was planted,
In her dinky little head.
With her вuтт in the air,
While the man in the sidecar tattooed her derriere 100 miles per hour down I 45 to bike fest.
Drunk and sтuрid and would not listen,
Smeared beyond recognition,
She said it was Tinker Веll but we couldn't tell O well.

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Can I dock my rocket at your space station?

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I think I just evolved into Номо Erectus.

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Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sеx with them.

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A 7-year-old boy and a 40-year old man are walking together in a dark forest.
The young boy says,
"I'm afraid..." The 40-year-old man replies," You're afraid?!
I have to walk out of here alone!"

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What do women and bowling ваlls have in common?
Three holes

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Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: To get to the bottom.

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Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.

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