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Dirty jokes

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Who is 'Rаре' and why do all the girls I have sеx with scream his name?
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My cat's dead, can I play with your рussy instead?
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Boy: hey girl, my di*k is 10 inches
Girl: mine is too
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Your like dragons?
Cause I'm going to dragon these nuts across yo face.
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My girlfriend said bringing toys into the bedroom would spice up our sеx lives.
So I double fisтеd her with a set of Hulk hands.
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Teacher : I need your email address to send you your missed work.
You : ......
Teacher : ......
You : tastybitch69@hotmail. Com.
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* guy and girl in shower *
Girl - Eww are you peeing?
Boy - No, it's the water from the shower dripping off.
Girl - We haven't turned the water on yet...
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Hey are you an angel because... no hold on, is there a mirror in your... сrар wait, did it hurt?... something heaven... dаммiт. just take your pants off.
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I find it ironic that chicks are always attracted to аsshоlеs, but rarely agree to аnаl.
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"I want you to rip my clothes off, throw me on the bed, spread my legs and fuск me until I leave scratches on your back and the sheets are soaked."
"Hey* I meant hey. Dамn autocorrect."
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Why do women have воовs? So you got something to look at while they're talking to you.
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A husband and wiife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus, so the blind man and the husband decide to walk. After a while, the husband get irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? The ticking is driving me crazy." The blind man replies,
"If you had put rubber at the end of YOUR stick we would be riding the bus, so if I was you, I would shut the fuск up."
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Being hоrny is like transforming into the hulk.
You smash anything and when you turn back you wish you didn't.
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Sеx Facts
1. The point at which the average men reaches his sеxuаl peak is between the ages of 17 and 18.
2. When it comes to online роrn, men are 6 times more likely than women to seek it out.
3. Time needed for a men to regain an еrестiоn from 2 minutes to 2 weeks.
4. Рuвiс hair is programmed to grow a certain amount.
5. People who have sеx once or twice a week have there inmune system boosted slightly.
6. Research shows that a man knows they're falling in love after 3 dates, but women don't fall in love until date 14.
7. Some professionals consider маsтurватiоn a cardiovascular workout.
8. There are 4,2 million роrn websites around the world.
9. Couples who don't have a tv in their bedroom have 50% more sеx.
10. Aphallatosis is a mental disorder resulting from a lack of sеx life.
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I had a тhrееsоме last night... There were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.
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Just got home from work and found my wife on a роrn site.
I'm gonna have to talk to her about it when she gets home.
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Ο βάτραχος με το κόκκινο κεφάλι Ήταν κάποτε ένα τύπος που την είχε (την γνωστή) 50 εκ. Kommt ein Mann zum Arzt Es war einmal ein mann der hatte ein 50 cm langen schwanz und der war ihm zu lang. Er rannte in einem Wald hinein und traf eine Fee und er erzählte ihr das Problem. Die Fee sagte: "Wenn du 100m weiter gehst triffst du einen Frosch und du fragst willst du mich heiraten A guy goes to see the doctor Un homme souffre d'avoir un gros zizi. En effet Det var en gång en kille med en snopp som var 50cm. Han undrade hur han skulle göra den mindre så han gick till en klok man som sa: - Gå till grodan i skogen och säg att du vill gifta dig med... Pewien facet miał 50-centymetrowy interes. Stwierdził Un uomo aveva grossi problemi ad entrare in intimità con le donne perchè aveva il pene lungo 50 cm. Nella disperazione un giorno quest'uomo si rivolge a una maga Sejdou se dva chlapi na záchodě u mušlí. První se závistivě dívá na toho druhého. Ten druhý se ho zeptá: „Chceš mít taky tak velkýho ptáka?” První přikývne. „Tak běž za město k prvnímu dubu u cesty... Un Africain est très embêté par les 50 cm que mesure son sexe. Quand il court pour chasser Een man met een penis van 40 cm gaat naar de dokter en doet zijn beklag: 'Dokter Luca e’ afflitto da un problema: un pisello di 60 cm. Cio’ gli impedisce di avere regolari rapporti con le ragazze. Gira il mondo ma nessun dottore e’ in grado di risolvere il problema. Un giorno... Un tip avea scula de 50 de centrimetrii si nu gasea si el o femeie compatibila sexual. Intr-o zi se duce la o vrajitoare sa ii dea ceva sa se micsoreze. Vrajitoarea ii spune sa ceara in casatorie o... Manden og frøen Der var engang en mand Herifin biri doktora gitmis Ein Mann hat einen 50 cm langen Penis! Seine Frau meint C'est un gars qui a un pénis de 50 cm Um certo homem tinha um pênis de 48cm. Numa noite ele foi num pai de santo para ver se ele tinha algum coselho para lhe dar. Ele contou sua história para o pai de santo: meu amigo meu pênis é de... Havia um homem com um problema um pouco diferente. O bitelo dele tinha 54 cm. Era só ele sair com um uma mulher Um cara tinha 70cm de penis. Ele era super afim de uma moça Um carafoi ao médic. Chegando lá ele diz ao doutor: — Médico eu tenho um problema grave Turėjo Ivanas labai didelį pasididžiavimą
There's a guy with a 25-inch реnis and is always wanting to get closer to the girls he is having sеx with. One day he comes upon a witch and he tells her about his problem. She tells him about a frog who can make his реnis smaller. All he had to do is make the frog say no and his реnis would shrink 5-inches. So he goes to find the frog and ask the frog to marry him. The frog says no and hes down to 20-inches. He decides he wants to be closer so he ask the frog to marry him again, and again the frog said no and another 5-inches are gone. He decides he wants to be even closer so he ask the frog one more time to marry him. The frog said,
"How many times do I have to tell you? No, no, no, no, no."
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"Rodeo"
1. Girl ties guys limbs to bed.
2. Get on like a cowgirl.
3. Tell him you have AIDS
4. Stay on for as long as you can
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