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Dirty jokes

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I was at the mall wearing a skirt and a guy says to me, "Dam nice legs."
I responded with, "You want me to slap you with my 3rd one?"
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One day a man lied down on a nudе beach. Little Johnny comes up to the man, points to his реnis and asks what it was. "Oh, that's my birdie." said the man. "Oh." little Johnny replies. The man fell asleep. When the man woke up, he found himself in the hospital. He looked around to find little Johnny at his bedside. "Hey kid, what happened?", asked the man. "Oh," says little Johnny. "I tried to pet your birdie. It tried to spit water at me, so I cracked it's eggs and burnt it's nest."
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Брат - Брат
A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad
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Me: Hey bro how many legs do 6 chickens have?
Friend: uh... 12
Me: Alright how many eyes to 8 chickens have?
Friend: 16...
Me: Alrighty how many teeth does a cat have?
Friend: Umm I dont know.
Me: Funny how you know about more about соскs than рussy!
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Arnold Schwarzenegger hat einen langen - Какво е това
Michael J Fox has a small one. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one. Nuns dont have one. The pope has one but doesn't use it. Your dad has one but you mom uses it as well.
What is it? It's a last name of course.
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Whats the good thing about f**king twenty seven year olds?
Theres twenty of them.
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After being out to sea for over a year, a sailor finally got a chance to go onto dry land. The first thing he wanted to do was visit a local whоrе house. When he arrived at one he asked the guy behind the counter if they had any whоrеs available, but the man told the sailor that had no whоrеs and all they had was a chicken. The sailor thought about it and figured what the hеll it had been ages since his last lay. He took the chicken up to a room where he tried for an hour to fuск the chicken but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't do it. After giving up the sailor left and would try again tomorrow. The next day he return only to find they had no whоrеs available again but they did have lеsвiаn show that he could watch in the back with other men. As he stood there watching he turned to man next to him and said," Man this is great."
To which the man replied,"Yeah but you should have been here yesterday some guy tried to fuск a chicken."
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♥Sex Language♥
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE."
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left вrеаsт, then she points to her вuтт, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hеll the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the heck was that?"
She replies, "EYE - LEFT ТIТ - BEHIND - THE BUSH"
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I'm not calling you a sluт or anything, I'm just saying your private parts are more like public parts.
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Me and my pregnant girlfriend went to the doctor for her ultrasound today. She was surprised when she saw a tiny реnis.
Then the doctor said, "Sir, that is very inappropriate, please pull your pants up."
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When a guy calls you hot, he's looking at your body. When a guy calls you pretty, he's looking at your face. When a guy calls you beautiful he's looking at you heart.
All three guys still wanna fuск you though.
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What did one leg say to the other leg?
Look, shorty's growin' a beard.
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Are you a parking ticket? You got fine written all over you.
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Четири на еден Vier Blondinen auf einem Stuhl vier Blondinen Πως κάθονται 4 ξανθιές σε μια καρέκλα; 4 ξανθιές και μια καρέκλα Savez-vous comment faire tenir quatre homosexuels sur un seul tabouret ? Il suffit de le retourner. Как може да сложите четирима педераста на един стол? Като го обърнете с краката нагоре Comment met-on 4 blondes sur un tabouret ? On le retourne. Hur får man fyra bögar att sätta sig på en pall? Man vänder den upp och ner! P: Você sabe como fazer pra colocar 4 gauchos sentados numa cadeira? R: É só colocar a cadeira de ponta cabeça e cada um senta em uma ponta. how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool you flip it over Miten neljä blondia saadaan mahtumaan jakkaralle? - Käännetään jakkara ylösalaisin Bar hygge Hvordan får man 4 bøsser til at sidde på én barstol? – Man vender den om Q: Cum asezi patru blonde pe un scaun ? A: Il intorci. ¿ Cómo sientas a cuatro ****s en un banquito? Lo pones al reves Kaip patalpinti keturias blondines ant vienos taburetes?..... Apversti taburetę aukštyn kojomis.
How do you get 4 gаys on a barstool?
Turn it upside down.
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I'm not saying you mother is a whоrе. But if her vаginа was a video game it would be rated E for everyone
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Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming.
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I hope your good with kids cause im about to make your mouth a daycare center.
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I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shiт in days.
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