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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day:
The daughter said to her mother. "My hands are freezing cold."
The mother replied. "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said. "My hands are freezing cold."
The girl replied. "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said. "My nose is cold."
The girl replied. "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said. "My реnis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother. "Have you ever heard of a реnis?"
Slightly concerned the mother said. "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"
The daughter replies. They make one hеll of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"
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Beerdigung eines Herzchirurgen Ο καρδιολόγος Een hartchirurg was overleden en bij de begrafenis werd zijn kist boven een groot hart Um bêbado entra num velório Auf dem Friedhof wird ein Herzspezialist beerdigt. Der Sarg steht vor einem riesigen En una ciudad de EE. UU. muere un eminente cardiólogo y sus amigos y familiares deciden hacerle un grandioso y pomposo funeral. En medio de la Iglesia Eräs kardiologi (sisätautija sydänlääkäri) kuoli Eräs kardiologi (sisätauti- ja sydänlääkäri) kuoli. Hänen hautajaisissaan oli valtava kukista tehty sydän Ça se passe au cimetière Meghal egy híres szívsebész... A temetése látványos külsőségek között történik. Miután a pap elmondta a beszédét Muore un cardiologo. Al suo funerale viene consegnata una corona a forma di cuore. Una signora inizia a ridere e un'amica le chiede
Once a doctor dies. He was a heart specialist.
At the funeral, his family members and friends make a special coffin on which there is a heart.
A man laughs.
Another man asks him why he laughed.
He says, "I am a gyno I wonder what they will do on my funeral."
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The three words most hated by men during sеx: ‘Are you done?’
The three words most hated by women during sеx, ‘Honey, I’m home!’
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel?"
The pirate says, "Arrrr! It drives me nuts!"
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Little Johnny... Salesman В една къща се разнася телефонен звън. У Вовочки старший брат женился. La mamá separada de Jaimito se echa un nuevo novio Fredrik och Anna hade just gift sig Jantje komt thuis van school en vraagt aan zijn zusje: “Liggen papa en mama nog steeds op bed?” Zijn zusje zucht en zegt “Jep” Ze besluiten om zelf maar hun lunch te maken en na de lunch gaat...
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
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Meкo и Тврдо Hotel Hijinx Στο ασανσέρ Στο 202!!! Un homme se cogne contre une femme dans un hall d’hôtel. Приближавайки към рецепцията на престижен хотел в Benidorm В лифт вбегает мужчина и задевает локтем грудь стоящей рядом женщины. Пълен асансьор. Млъд мъж се качил Ein Mann rammt aus versehen in einem Hotel einer Dame seinen Ellbogen in die Brust. Er entschuldigt sich: В асансьор на хотел без да иска мъж удря с лакът в гърдите млада дама. - Ох Ao entrar num elevador En ung sexig kille stod i hotell receptionen när hans telefon ringde. Hastigt drog han upp telefonen ur fickan och råkade då armbåga tjejen bakom honom. Då sa han med ett ursäktande leende: - Om... Paul stößt in der Hotelhalle versehentlich mit dem Ellenbogen an den Busen einer jungen Frau. Er entschuldigt sich mit den Worten: "Wenn Ihr Herz so zart ist wie Ihr Busen werden Sie mir sicherlich... En kille står i hotellobbyn och väntar på att få checka in. Då ringer hans mobil och när han plockar fram den råkar han köra armbågen i bröstet på tjejen intill. Han vänder sig om och säger: - Har... Een man komt een hotel binnen lopen en stoot daar per ongelijk met zijn elleboog op de borsten van een vrouw. “Mijn excuses Een man staat bij de receptie van het hotel. Hij wil juist de man bij de receptie een vraag stellen En el vestíbulo de un hotel Un uomo si scontra con una donna nella hall di un hotel e nell'urto finisce col gomito sul suo seno. Entrambi sono molto imbarazzati. L'uomo cerca di scusarsi e dice: - Signora Ketten állnak egy szálloda recepciójánál Mies törmää hotellin käytävällä vahingossa naiseen. Törmäyksessä miehen kyynärpää osuu naisen rintaan. - Jos sydämesi on yhtä pehmeä kuin rintasi Mann rempelt Frau an der Hotelrezeption an. Beide gucken etwas verstört. Mann: "Wenn Ihr Herz so weich ist wie Ihr Busen
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her вrеаsт.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your вrеаsт, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your реnis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
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Roses are red
violets are blue
I have 5 fingers
the middle one for you.
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Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "
Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks
"Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "
Oh I have a personal genie"
The first man asks
"Can i make a wish? "
Sure says the other man
"Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says "
I want a Million Bucks "
The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other "
Your genie realy suскs at hearing doesnt He?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"
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There were three nurses in a morgue...
They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on.
The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste".
After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it.
The 2nd nurse did the same.
The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period.
After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it.
After 3 minutes the man woke up.
The Nurses said, "What the hеll... You were dead a few minutes ago"
The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
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A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
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I lost my virginity.
Can I have yours?
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Boy and girl relationship
Week 1: Facebook chat
Week 2: Dinner Date
Week 3: Amusement park date
Week 4: Trip to foreign country and sex
Week 5: cheats on each other
Week 6: Valentines day
Week 7: break up
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Every time I have sеx with a woman, I'm convinced she's trying to distract me while someone steals my car. And then you realize, 'Oh nobody wants a Suzuki Samurai that bad. It's my lucky day. I should be enjoying my sеx.'
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I was going to make a gаy sеx joke. Вuтт fuск it.
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I'm not saying you're a sluт, but if you were a national monument you'd be the Statue of Liberty. A ton of dudes have been inside her.
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Fuск me if I'm wrong, but I think you wanna have sеx with me.
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I was at the mall wearing a skirt and a guy says to me, "Dam nice legs."
I responded with, "You want me to slap you with my 3rd one?"
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One day a man lied down on a nudе beach. Little Johnny comes up to the man, points to his реnis and asks what it was. "Oh, that's my birdie." said the man. "Oh." little Johnny replies. The man fell asleep. When the man woke up, he found himself in the hospital. He looked around to find little Johnny at his bedside. "Hey kid, what happened?", asked the man. "Oh," says little Johnny. "I tried to pet your birdie. It tried to spit water at me, so I cracked it's eggs and burnt it's nest."
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