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Dirty jokes

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There was a person sitting on the park bench. Some kids ran past and called him a motherf*cker. He didn't know what it was so he went he and asked his mother. His mother was startled so she said it means guests or friends. The next day some people said he was a рussy. Again he asked his mother and she said it was food. A few days later he heard a conversation and some said"having sеx."He asked his mum and she said getting ready. His girlfriend and her paremts came and he told them"hello motherf*ckers,рussy is on the the table. Mm and dad are having sеx.
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Two preists were in the showers. One of the preist gets out to get spme soap when three nuns walk in. The preist instantly freezes hold a bar of soap in each hand. "what a life like statue" syays one of the nuns and they all start feeling the preist all over. One nun pulls his diск and he drops a bar of soap. " And its a soap despencer as well!" the nun says. the second nun pulls his diск and he drops another bar of soap. the thrid nun pulls his diск and nothin happens. she pulls again this time harder but still nothing happens. she pulls his diск again and again until at last she says "and its a moisturiser!!!"
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Roses are red, poems are corny, take me to bed I'm feeling hоrny. When roses are red they need to be plucked, and next time I see you, you're gonna get f*cked.
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- ”Smells fresh. Like a tropical island.”
"Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"
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Firend: tell me a clean joke.
Me: ok, i took a bath with bubbles.
Friend: now tell me a dirтy joke.
Me: ok, bubbles is the girl next door.
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Guy: i bet i cant touch your воовs without using my hands.
Girl: ok.
*Guy touches girls воовs*
Guy: nope, cant do it.
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Me: Did it hurt? Them: Did what hurt?
Me: When you fell from somebody's аsshоlе into toilet water, you piece of shiт.
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Calling your girlfriend your "girlfrien" because you'll give her the D later!
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Girl: mom is it true that a baby comes out from the place the guy puts in his соск?
Mom: yes honey
Girl: ОМG so you mean my baby will come out of my mouth???
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Twinkle Twinkle little whore
Close your legs your not a door
Your gonna catch an STD
Your only wanted cause your free
Twinkle Twinkle little whоrе Your cheaper than the dollar store
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There was a person that went to the holding cell and the guard asked what are you doing here the person i was blowing bubbles in the park another person went in the holding cell and he said the same thing then a third person walked in the cell and the guard said let me guess you were blowing bubbles in the park third person said no sir i am bubbles
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Pupil: A pupil in class was ваnging her calculater on the table because it wasnt working.
Teacher: Erm what are you doing!?
Pupil: My calculater isnt woking.
Teacher: Well you dont have to ваng it on the table i mean im sure you wouldnt like it if i banged you on the table!
Whole Class: [Laughing out loud] LOL
Do you get it ??????????
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I heard you like Mickey D so i put on mouse ears.
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Малкия Иванчо пита баща си: - Тате Lille Ole: "Pappa - Apu! Hogy néz ki a lányok puncija? - Tudod kisfiam Синот: - Тато A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked his father
SON: How does a vаginа looks likes, dad?
DAD: Well, it's pink, soft,tight.
SON: How about after sеx?
DAD: Have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?
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Fieber messen Jaimito le dice a su maestra: - Maestra ven a mi casa a dormir. Frau beim Arzt: Жена отива на доктор: One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp O Joãozinho c hegou para Mariazinha e disse: Joãozinho encontra a Mariazinha e fala: — Mariazinha Ruft die Blondine: "Herr Doktor Przychodzi baba do lekarza i mówi Pistikéék táborba mentek. Mindenkinek jutott ágy Joaozinho perguntou para a sua amiga: — Mariazinha O Cebolinha disse para a Mônica: — Posso colocar o dedinho no seu umbiguinho? Ela responde: — Não ... — Deixa O joaozinho adorava sua professora Certo dia depois da aula Joãozinho Um dia antes da prova Pierino incontra una bambina con l'ombelico di fuori e come scherzo gli infila dentro il dito.... la bambina: "Che fai?" E Pierino: "Ti infilo dentro il dito nell'ombelico!!" E la bambina dice: "Ma...
Johnny's daddy is the principle of the school.
He saw his teacher leaving school.
Johnny:
"Hey miss where you going?"
Teacher:
"Home."
Johnny:
"Can I come with?"
Teacher:
" No!"
Johnny:
" I'm gonna tell my daddy!"
Teacher:
"Fine."
They arrive at the teachers house...
Teacher:
"Johnny i'm going to take a shower."
Johnny:
"Can I come?"
Teacher:
"No!"
Johnny:
"I'm gonna tell my daddy."
Teacher:
"Fine."
They are in the shower...
Johnny:
"Can I touch your belly button?"
Teacher:
"No."
Johnny:
"I'm gonna tell my daddy."
Teacher:
"Fine."
Teacher:
"Errr... Johnny thats not my belly button!"
Johnny:
" Thats not my finger."
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A little girl and a little boy are sitting in the sand pit.
They are showing their private parts.
They both ask each other "what is it?"
They both replied "I don't know?"
So that same day when the boy went home he asked his dad what it was his dad said "It's a red farahri you can park it in any pink garage."
The girl asked her mom what hers was and her mom said "It's a pink a garage don't let any red a farahri park in it!"
The next day the girl came home with blood all over her hands.
Her mom said "whats that?"
Girl: Blood!"
Mom:
"From what?"
Girl:
"A red farahri tried to park in my pink garage so i pulled his wheels off!"
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Guy: Hey, I spilled water on your GF; you jelly?
Guy2: Why would I be jelly?
Guy:
'Cause I got her wet and you can't.
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Girl: Those f**king mosquitoes won't stop eating me up!
Boy: Well, tell them to let me have a turn.
Girl: What?
Boy: What?
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