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Q. How can you tell that God is a man?
A. Because if he was a woman men would shiт diamonds and sреrм would taste like chocolate.
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Little boy gets home from school early and walks into the lounge room and hears his mum and dad making strange noises and he see's his mum and dad doing something on the couch
Little boy: mum, dad what where you doing last night?
Mum and Dad: baking a Cake
Little boy: okay but next time I want chocolate frosting not vanilla
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A woman’s p*ussy is like a 9-volt battery.
You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re going to put your tongue on it.
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Little Lexi was going to get a drink of water during the night, and she overheard her father say "You little b*tch. You like that, huh?" And her mother replied with, "Oh yeah, I love your diск. Go deeper!!" The next day she asked her mother what diск meant. The mom told her a diск was a coat. She then asked her dad what b*tch meant. Her father said that a b*tch was a person. Later on, Lexi found her parents arguing. "YOU МОТНЕRFUСКЕR!!" Her mom shouted. "You're just a SLUТ!" Her dad replied. Again, little Lexi was curious, and asked her mother what a motherf*cker was. Her mother said it was a turkey. Later, she asked her dad what a sluт meant. He said it meant toilet. After that, her dad was on the toilet yelling "Honey, I'm having a big shiт on the toilet so let's not have sеx until later?" She asked what shiт was and he said eating. He also said having sеx meant socializing. After all that, her family came over for Thanksgiving. Little Lexi said "Happy Thanksgiving, b*tches! We're going to shiт soon, my dad is upstairs eating the sluт in the bathroom! My moms going to cut the motherf*cker shortly! Hang up your diскs and stay a while! I can't wait to have sеx with you!
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A boy's parents are fighting and the mom calls the dad a Ваsтаrd and the dad calls the mom a Вiтсh. The kid asks them what it means and they say Ladies and Gentlemen.
That night the son walks in on his parents having angry sеx.
The dad say "feel my diск" and the mom says "suск my тiттiеs"
The son asks "what does that mean" and the parents say Hats and Coats.
The next day the dad is shaving and cuts himself so he screams "shiт!" and the kid asks what it meas and the dad says its a brand of shaving cream.
The kid then goes downstairs and the mom is stuffing the turkey and accidentally cuts herself and screams"f*ck!"
When the guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner the kid answers the door and says.
"Alright you Вiтсhеs and Ваsтаrds, hang your Diскs and Тiттiеs in the closet, Dad's upstairs wiping the Shiт off his face and Mom's in the kitchen Fuскing the turkey!"
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Man:knock knock
Kid:whos there Man:i see you do
Kid:i seee you do who?
Man:my girlfriend!
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The BYOB sтriр club fills a very important niche in the sтriр club market. Because, I mean, we've all been at a traditional sтriр club, and the wine list is pedestrian. You know, half the whites from California, they're all sсrеw tops and the sommelier couldn't tell a Sancerre from a sandwich. And I'm just sitting there the whole time thinking, 'I have in my cellar at home a 2002 Argentinean Malbec that would go perfectly with that 42-year-old's hysterectomy scars.'
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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because i see myself in your pants.
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Little Johnny got home from school and told his mum " I just had my first sеxuаl experience!"
His mum replied "I'm going to speak to your dad about this when he gets home. Go to your room." So little Johnny goes to his room.
When his dad gets home his mum tells him about little Johnny's first sеxuаl experience.
His dad says "I won't get too angry at him because at his age, I was looking for my first sеxuаl experience to."
When he gets to little Johnny's room he asks him "So how was it?"
Little Johnny replies it was Great! The only downside is my аss hurts."
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As a gаy man, I can assure you that an "iPhone 6 plus" is only 5.
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So i was paired up with the really smart and hot girl in our Physics class to write an essay on Issac Newton's theory of gravity. So she said why don't we call it what Newton called it, "What goes up, must come down." Of course i agreed so that night we went to her house and started on our research, we had a nice glass of wine for good luck and we started. She asked if i could take the lead and start so i agreed and said why don't we try what Newton meant with what goes up must come down. She was good with that, so i asked her this morning when you were getting dressed for school you put on your skirt and wore your blouse and shoes and left the house right? She said yes, i said that's perfect because that would mean your skirt went up so lets see it come down. Blammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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A girl is blowing her Boyfriend.
Boyfriend: Dамn, this is great.
Girlfriend: I would hope so, it took a long time to master this.
Boyfriend: You were blowing dudes behind my back?!
Girlfriend: Well, technically it was under the table. Anyway, how else did you think i could afford my Iphone?
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Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius... I've been using money.
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Религията е като пениса. Скъпи мой Драги мој My dear Cariño Дорогой мой Mein Lieber Mon cher Αγαπημένε μου Caro mio Sevgilim Любий мій Meu querido Mój drogi Min kära Mijn lief Min kære Kjære Rakas Drágám Dragul meu Drahý můj Mano brangusis Mīļais Dragi moj
Religion is like a реnis, it's fine to have one and be proud of it, but when you take it out and wave it in my face, that's when we have a problem.
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What do you call a Russian рrоsтiтuте who charges too much?
Vagisdear Disputin
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What did a hоокеr say to the Russian President?
Vladimir Putin
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Boy: Mom, why is my cousin named diamonds?
Mom: Because auntie loves diamonds.
Boy: Then how did I get my name?
Mom: Enough questions Dicky.
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Sluтs are just girls who can't control there whоrе-mones.
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