Fitness jokes

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At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”

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I forgot to post on Facebook I was going to the gym.
Now this whole workout was a waste of time.

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I don't always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure Facebook knows about it.

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What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

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Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.

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No time for gym?
Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.

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Chuck Norris leaves potholes when he jogs.

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Chuck Norris can do push-ups in a sit-up position.

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Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.

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In the dim and distant past, when life's tempo wasn't so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and babysit.
When the kids were in a jam, they could always call on Gram.
However, today she's in the gym exercising to keep slim.
She's checking the web or surfing the net, sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her, now that Grandma's off her rocker.

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When Chuck Norris works out, he doesn't sweat.
His body cries.

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Q: How do you get a baby into a bowl?
A: A blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Doritos.

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The movie Unstoppable is based on Chuck Norris' morning jog.

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Chuck Norris is so tough, that he doesn't get a workout from the weights,they get a workout from him.

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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.

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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

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A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.

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What’s the hardest part about being a раеdорhilе?
Trying to fit in.

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