Fitness jokes

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I weighed myself today.
It is clear I am too small for my weight.

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Do you squat here often?

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Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

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What do you do for exercise?
I lift weights.
What do you do for cardio?
I lift weights faster.

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When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.

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At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.
Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.
Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.
Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

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Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.
Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!

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She said "Gym or me". Sometimes I miss her.

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Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?
A: He was destroying his calves.

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One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the вuм and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the вrеаsт.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the реnis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."

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Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding соw farmer?
A: Show us your calves!

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I do two hours of cardio every day.
But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.

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Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!

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The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.

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Someone call CSI.
I just killed my workout.

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Q: How do Columbians develop muscle?
A: By pushing drugs.

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Q: What exercise do Hairdressers do in the gym?
A: Curls.

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Redbull doesn't give you wings.
Lat pulldowns do.

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