Fitness jokes

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me - Excuse me, are you into fitness?
girl - Somewhat.
me - Let me fitness соск in your mouth!

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I read in men’s health, that the most important thing to do when doing a workout programme is rest…Ive done that for 2 years now and I am still no fitter than before!

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My wife bought me an exercise bike for Christmas.
I used it for a bit but have stopped now as it wasn’t getting me anywhere.

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Sign on the company bulletin board: “This firm requires no physical fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying of the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friend in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.”

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A woman on the phone to her friend...

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising!

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I веnт, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

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Gym Manager: I went for a run the other day, and covered 20 miles
Personal Trainer: I went for a run the other day, and covered 30 miles
Cleaner: I had some Mexican food the other day, and I’ve had the runs all week

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About 2 minutes into my workout, I decided to work on my personality instead.

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I can’t help being lazy.
It walks in the family.

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Today is my first day at the gym…
I walk in and see a bunch of hot women working out, so I walk up to the guy who is running the gym and ask him, ” Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies over there?” ….
He smiles at me and says, “Try the ATM Machine in the lobby.”

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New phone app.
You know there is a lot of money to be made by developing a useful phone app.
With the fitness craze and everyone being weight conscious I put my brain cells to work on the project.
I want to announce the Newest phone app available for tracking progress in your fitness program. It is called the Personal Scale App. This is how it works. You program your I-phone or Droid with my new app. Place it on a hard surface like a tile floor and then stand on it. The phone will record your current weight and display it on the screen. My only problem is it only seems to work once.

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I was chatting to a fit bird in the gym earlier when the question came up, “What вrа size are you?”
Cheeky вiтсh!

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One day Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger die and go to heaven. they see God in his throne and beside him is an empty seat. God says to them “Only one of you can have this seat. tell me why you believe you should have it.” Arnold says “I believe I deserve that seat because I have given back to the community and showed the importance of physical fitness.” Sylvester says “I believe I should have that seat because I have been a good role model by teaching people to stand up for themselves.” Chuck Norris then goes over to God, looks at him in the eyes and says, “I believe you are sitting in my seat.”

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The Gym
A place for girls to find strong bloke’s with big muscles.
The Gym
A place for men to find fат, chubby girls.

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I was told that exercise helps with your decision making.
It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.

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If a beautiful woman goes for a walk daily, she can improve the health of ten other men.

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How many bodybuilders does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Four. One bodybuilder to sсrеw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, “Really, dude, you look huge !”

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Some folks exercise their right to vote.
I vote my right to not exercise.

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I remember last summer at the beach. All the humiliation of being a 97 pound weakling. The big guys kicking sand in my face, My girlfriend dissing me to take off with some bronzed, muscular jоск.
So I moved to Alaska. Now I’m a Husky fcuker

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