Fitness jokes

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I always shout “PIZZA’S HERE” so the delivery guy doesn’t think I’m eating those two pizzas by myself.

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My wife came home from the gym today and said, “I think I’ve done something to my knee, it’s killing me.”
I said, “Go and get a hot bath.”
“What, to ease the pain?” She replied.
“No.” I said, “Because you fuскing stink.”

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Teacher: what’s your favorite animal
Me: Desert Eagle
Teacher:why?
Me:cause it fits in my backpack

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I was making vegetable soup yesterday but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit

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I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realised they didn’t fit me around the waist so I went looking for a belt. I couldn’t find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waist of time.

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If the shoe fits perfectly why did it fall off

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Knock knock
Who’s there
Insomnia
You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can 't cry myself to sleep anymore…

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I almost forgot to update my status that I’d been to the gym.
What a waste of a workout that would have been!

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The doctor told me I need to cut any excess fат out of my lifestyle.
I couldn’t be any more delighted, I’ve finally got the excuse I needed to divorce my wife.

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So I’m in the gym minding my own business when the guy next to me says:
“Hey, man, I can bench 300 pounds - what can you do?”
“Er, read.”

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I exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors.
Jehovah's fitness.

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Once again the award for the most sтuрid act ever was given to a man who glued his hands to the bars on a treadmill.
That’s two years running now.

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I knew getting a treadmill would help my wife get more exercise.
She started this morning and is already half away across the room towards it.

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I was pumping some iron in the gym yesterday, when the trainer pointed out that the hole in the weights was supposed to be for attaching them to a bar.

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Each mile you run adds 1 minute to your life, so when you’re 80 you can spend an extra 6 months in a nursing home at $10,000 per month.

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The gym is like church to some people.
No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.

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I came home from the gym this morning staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit … And all I did was sign up.

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I love the gym this time of year.
The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.

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