Fitness jokes

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I was pumping some iron in the gym yesterday, when the trainer pointed out that the hole in the weights was supposed to be for attaching them to a bar.

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Each mile you run adds 1 minute to your life, so when you’re 80 you can spend an extra 6 months in a nursing home at $10,000 per month.

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The gym is like church to some people.
No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.

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I love the gym this time of year.
The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.

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At the gym… just finished my 3rd set of selfies.

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If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.

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I finally told my wife the truth; that I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she is seeing a psychiatrist, two bartenders, the mailman and her fitness trainer.

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Was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill.
People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.

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I found a hole in my trainer that’s big enough to put my finger through.
One formal complaint from her, and I’m now banned from the gym.

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Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.

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Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

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I was talking to this guy at the gym about push-ups.
“How many reps would you usually do?” he asked.
“A million,” I rep lied.

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I’ve recently joined my local boxing club and the trainer there suggested that I tried skipping to get fitter.
After doing this for an hour, he handed me a rope and said, “Use this. You won’t look as gаy”

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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hеll.

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Learn how to get ripped in 4 weeks.
Do a course on Photoshop.

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If you think you aren’t creative…
Buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.

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If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.

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All the gym bunnies moaning about the newbies.
Get over yourselves.
You didn’t see us moaning when you came to use our pubs in December.

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