Friendship Jokes

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There was 2 friends that go to their high school reunion.
They got there early so they went to the bar to watch a game. eventually, one of the guys gets drunк, so the other guy walks the drunк to the reunion, they sit down. half an hour later, the hosts of the reunion do this little game, where they say something and see who has done that something. the host says:
Host:
' okay now, whos won been on TV?'
The drunк guy's friend says "this guy over here!!!"
The drunк tells him to shut up but the host is already talking.
Host:
'ohh look everybody we have a celebrity!!! c'mon up here!'
So the drunк makes his way up on the stage.
Drunk:
' hi, ever-eeverybody ma names gabriel, and i don-dont wanna say much, i've been dri-nking a bit-'
At that point, the drunк notices two girls at a table and recognizes them.
Drunk:
' i- i see twoo girls at a table,i asked them out to prom of se-senior year. AND D-DEY SED NOO!! and dey got f-fат'
One of the girls gets up and yells at the drunk
Girl:
'Your fат too!!!'
Drunk:
'i was fат in high scho-ool, i kept my figure, why couldnt you???'
#rekt
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Everyone needs a time-out now and then.
10. It takes 10 minutes to scroll through your bookmarks.
9. You find yourself racking your brain for new search subjects.
8. Instead of going to the bathroom, you "download."
7. You'll only go on vacation if there's electricity, a phone line and a local dial-up number for your ISP.
6. You go on vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem.
5. You find yourself typing . Com after every period when using a word processor. Com
4. You wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
3. You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
2. You check your e-mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
And the top sign you're addicted to the Internet ...
1. You chose the location of your next home based on whether there's a high-speed broadband connection available.
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“Late again,” the third-grade teacher said to little Jeffey.
“It ain’t my fault,” Miss Crabtree. “You can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is Daddy sleeps without any clothes!”
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Jeffrey what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Jeffrey and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.
“You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma’s best milk goat. And last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, “That coyote’s back again, I’m a gonna giт him!'”
“Stay back, he yelled to all us kids!” He was nакеd as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that doublebarrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old black Lab, Hudson, had done woke up and come a sneakin’ up behind Daddy. Then we all looked on plumb helpless old Hudson stuck that cold nose in Daddy’s сrаск!
“Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin’ chickens since three o’clock this morning!”
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10. A good вееr yields good head, but not all good women do.
9. You can share your вееr with your friends, but you really can’t share your woman with them.
8. You can hang out with your вееr all night, and chances are you will enjoy the conversation.
7. When you and a вееr are finished a new one is an arms reach away, when you and your woman are finished that arms reach will get you slapped.
6. Вееr tends to solve all the problems that women create.
5. If you feel the need to try new вееr, go down to the package store and look in the cooler and pick one. The only place I’ve been to where you can window shop for women is Amsterdam.
4. If you were to get into bed and find a cold вееr would you complain?
3. Not only will вееr not care if you spend the Sunday watching football, but chances are it was вееr who sponsered the game.
2. Even if you have poor eyesight, вееr improves your ability to spot attractive women.
1. Try finding the woman you want to come in groups of Six.
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