Friendship Jokes

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“Late again,” the third-grade teacher said to little Jeffey.
“It ain’t my fault,” Miss Crabtree. “You can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is Daddy sleeps without any clothes!”
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Jeffrey what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Jeffrey and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.
“You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma’s best milk goat. And last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, “That coyote’s back again, I’m a gonna giт him!'”
“Stay back, he yelled to all us kids!” He was nакеd as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that doublebarrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old black Lab, Hudson, had done woke up and come a sneakin’ up behind Daddy. Then we all looked on plumb helpless old Hudson stuck that cold nose in Daddy’s сrаск!
“Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin’ chickens since three o’clock this morning!”
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10. A good вееr yields good head, but not all good women do.
9. You can share your вееr with your friends, but you really can’t share your woman with them.
8. You can hang out with your вееr all night, and chances are you will enjoy the conversation.
7. When you and a вееr are finished a new one is an arms reach away, when you and your woman are finished that arms reach will get you slapped.
6. Вееr tends to solve all the problems that women create.
5. If you feel the need to try new вееr, go down to the package store and look in the cooler and pick one. The only place I’ve been to where you can window shop for women is Amsterdam.
4. If you were to get into bed and find a cold вееr would you complain?
3. Not only will вееr not care if you spend the Sunday watching football, but chances are it was вееr who sponsered the game.
2. Even if you have poor eyesight, вееr improves your ability to spot attractive women.
1. Try finding the woman you want to come in groups of Six.
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There is this man who has a duck for his best friend and pet.
This man takes his duck everywhere he goes.
The best thing they like to do together is see western movies, they just love them.
While walking down the street one day they came across a movie theater that is playing their all time favorite western, so the man decides to go inside and watch the movie, but the woman selling the tickets says “I’m sorry but there are no ducks allowed in the theater”.
The man was outraged and really wanted to see the movie, so he went around the corner and shoved the duck down his pants then goes into the theater to see the movie.
Once in, he gets to his seat and pulls down his Zipper so the duck can watch the movie with him.
Along come two girls who sit beside him.
A short time later the first girl says to the second girl “This man’s Zipper is down”
The second girl replies “So what, you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all”.
First Girl “Yeah but this one has eaten my popcorn!”
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Eric went to confession on Saturday and he told Father Duffy that he had an affair with a married woman from the parish. Father Duffy asked Eric who she was and Eric said,
"Father, I can't tell you."
Father said,
"If you don't tell me I can't give you absolution."
Eric again said,
"I know Father, but I just can't tell you."
Father Duffy then asked,
"Was it Mrs. Murphy?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Mrs. O'Malley?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Mrs. O'Brian?"
"No, Father. I just cannot tell you who it was."
Father Duffy tells Eric to go out and think about it and then come back when ready to confess who it was. Eric leaves the church and runs into his friend Jim. Jim asks, "Did you tell him you had the affair?"
"Yes. He wanted to know who it was, but I wouldn't tell him."
"What did he say? Did he give you absolution?"
"Oh no, but he did give me three new possibilities........"
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A couple’s only daughter had just graduated from law school. Her parents were very surprised to find out she had recently become engaged to a man they had never met. The daughter also announced that she’d be bringing her fiancee over to meet them that evening.
The moment the parents opened front door to greet them the warm welcoming smiles on faces of both parents completely vanished. Their open happy expressions were instantly replaced by a look not far from shock.
The young man in their doorway had an athletic build, chiseled features with a picture perfect bright smile! He was wearing a silk tie a tailored suite along with expensive Italian shoes. He didn’t have one hair out of place on his head and when he spoke his deep confident voice was absolutely mesmerizing. His charismatic presence seemed to command respect and admiration though his demeanor was open and friendly.
By this time both of the parents were visibly shaken making this quite an awkward moment for all concerned. Silently wincing the mother almost broke out in tears as she shook the young mans firm yet warm gentle hand.
Only able to make partial eye contact and with a slight tremble in his voice the father hesitantly asked the young man what he did for a living. The young man replied: I’m a used car salesman!
A huge sigh of relief came over both parents as they instantly resurrected their welcoming smiles once again. The father said we’re so happy to hear that son, for a moment there we thought you might be a politician.
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